My best friend lives about 1200 miles away. About 6 months ago, we made plans for me to move in with her because she was going through a bad divorce and I can no longer afford to live where I'm living. We were going to pool our resources and help each other get back on our feet; I have one child still at home and she has three, ages 10 and under.

So now we're down to the wire; I was supposed to move there on the 29th of this month and I've been spending the past few weeks packing, getting rid of stuff, cleaning out the apartment. Last week, she called me to tell me SHE'S moving - to another state to be with her online BF.

It was kind of a shock, as I've already resigned my apartment and had made all the arrangements to move down there. So I spent the week scrambling about. looking for other options. I have a job interview next week, I'm using the moving money to find a smaller, affordable place, etc. She was supposed to be getting a check from her student loans and told me she'd send us some of it to tide us over until I get my first paycheck.

Last night she called to tell me about her recent stay in the hospital; Terry (my friend) has seizures and they've gotten worse. She was given some new very powerful medicine and needs care and observation. She is now having seizures while she is awake and has to be watched constantly.

Then she told me that she wasn't going to move out of the state after all -- and that she used the student loan money to pay the rent and bills so that they would have a place to live. She said they cleaned out a room for me "if I still want to come down". I went from having an equal share in the house and the bills to being designated to the computer room.

I don't want to seem cynical or suspicious, but I keep wondering if the status will change again NEXT week - and the week after that. I also get this incredible feeling that the BF wasn't willing to be her caretaker ... and that if I move there, we won't be helping each other out so much as I will be taking care of her AND the kids, and I feel stuck.

I told her that for now, I'm going to go to the job interview, try to save some more money and then move later. I didn't say to where, though ... I feel bad for her but at the same time, it wasn't in the deal for me to become her live-in nurse, babysitter and housekeeper. I have my hands full as it is with my own health issues and my autistic child. But when I tell myself this, I feel so selfish.

AUGHHHHH! Please tell me what you think ... I know you can't tell me what to do but you can tell me what YOU'D do in this situation. HELP!

You can only do so much. If you can't take care of her and her kids as well as your own and yourself, that's perfectly understandable. You gotta do what's best for your children and yourself.

You made the effort to help her in the way that she requested, and she has proved that your well being is not one of her top priorities. At this point, it would be best to help her in whatever way you can, but not in a way that puts you at risk. If she turned down the help you offered in the first place, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Of course her top priority is not another person, especially when she is ill. Her kids and self are top priorities. But I agree, NO guilt.

The problem is the "x-factor", the Boyfriend. You,OP, have to state what your top priority is. I would imagine it is you and your child. Your decision to not go at this time sounds like a good choice for you and your child. Why, because of the uncertainty of the friends situation regarding living arrangements. I know you feel bad about her being ill and needing help. But, someone wise once told me, "You can not help everyone unless you can help yourself first, other wise you will be useless." In the end you will be proud of all that you do and accomplish for you and your child on your own.

I agree so far with what the other posters have said.
Sometimes ,hard as it is we have to let our head rule over our heart. There is only so much you can do and you have no reason to feel guilty.You are her friend not her keeper so to speak.
You have a big heart, and I wish you luck and all the best in whatever decision you make.

Without going into much detail, I have been In the same boat as you are now.

I decided to do what was the best for me. I can not say it was the right way of going about it all. I feel more comfortable with my situation. I get so very alone feelings day in day out.

With your child you have a bigger decision to make. I pray with god's Will you will find the right path for the both of you. God bless wishing you all the luck dear lady.

Actually, my priority at the time was that we would ALL benefit. I was going to be the one to leave my family, pack up my life and move to a state where I've never lived before, because I am not afraid to do that.

I guess I already knew the answer, otherwise I would have jumped at the chance to go, rather than telling her I was going to the job interview. I just needed to hear from someone that I wasn't being totally ridiculous because I do know that sometimes my heart is faster than my brain.

Thank you all so much for caring.

i always need to be grounded myself, otherwise i feel like i am just packing up my troubles and prolonging them. you're doing the right thing, i believe, for you and your child. good luck chica!!