I've noticed lately that a lot of people around here seem to lack confidence and have low self esteem. There's a lot of "woe is me I don't have a life" kind of stuff going on. Why? I don't get why people are just sitting around, complaining that they don't have a life, or don't like their life. Why not change it?

I don't know about others, but this is a huge turn off for me.

I like living in misery, suits my better nature

I don't think having a lack of self confidence necessarily means you have a "woe is me" attitude.
I just think something along the way made you insecure about some things.
Also I think you can think you have low self esteem but really don,t.

Why?

I think lack of confidence and low self esteem go hand in hand a lot of the time. Of course not all of the time.

I don't understand the last sentence, though.

oh yes I agree lack of self confidence / lack of self esteem do go hand in hand.
What I meant was they don't necessarily mean you are a whiner.
Am I making sense?
My last sentence simply means I think some people have more confidence than they think they do.
Am I still confusing you ? Cause in my head I know what I mean

hahahahaha you people make me laugh

Yes, that made more sense. And no, I don't think everyone who lacks confidence or has low self esteem is a whiner. I was just talking about the ones I've seen whining.

Good
But I agree with you about the whining, it is a huge turn off.

All I can say in my defense is that my life has gotten pretty messed up the past few months for a variety of reasons. If not for the effect of my last break up, I would probably be handling it much better than I am. It just sapped the all the will and motivation out of me though. Sometimes I leave a post here which is simply chiding myself for not snapping out of it though.

As for any self-esteem/self-confidence issue, that is a by-product of many things, perhaps the most notable being my ADD. Yes, anxiety, procrastination, and depression are three symptoms of Adult ADD. Many people do not understand Adult ADD, believing it to be a bunch of B.S.

Truth is, ADD is genetic in origin. You are born with it. It runs strongly in the male side of families. I know this to be true because when I first learned about Adult ADD, my whole life suddenly made sense going all the way back to my first memories. I finally understood myself. However, I still have to deal with people (like my father) who refuse to accept it. Such people become negative because they can't understand why I do things which don't fit my level of intelligence or ambition. Their refusal to accept and understand undermines my ability to adapt and saps my willpower.

If not for ADD, and given how long I've survived without diagnosis or medication, I would probably be one of the strongest willed people anyone might know. I have made it this far on willpower.....40 years. However, ADD grows worse as we age unless treated. So I have 40 years of untreated and compounded ADD symptoms, I have experienced nearly every symptom including suicidal tendencies and anxiety attacks.

And I know you may not have meant me, Singmesweet, but still it was worth putting out there. People really need to become more aware of this issue because it literally destroys a person's life. It can lead to psychological problems if left untreated, and it can ruin a person financial as fewer people are willing to employ them.

So, you believe you have add and blame it for several things, yet you haven't been diagnosed or treated for it?

It comes from my Fathers side of the family.

My dad is miserable, my Grandma is miserable, my grandad was miserable.

My mother is fairly happy and excitable, can be depressive. But her mother, a total biotch.

My anties and uncles are miserable. My brother is miserable.

The old saying goes, when a family member is miserable, then they are happy. If they are happy, then they are miserable

To answer your question. Since I don't know what true happiness is, I'm content with being miserable. If I knew happiness, I wouldn't like it

@ Biscuit ....That was funny and true.

That's kind of sad that you're content with being miserable.

"Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows."

William Shakespeare

I think a lot of people join online sites becuase in part---they dont have much of an outside life, i dont say this on behalf of every human but a good deal of people are more willing to "try" a social site when they feel like their "real"life if lacking. Sometimes that could lead to self esteem issues.

I dont really suffer from self esteem issues--other than i have a ton of bad luck....But as far as looks and personality- i am content with who i am. I dont have problems getting what i want. I have problems keeping it tho!!!!! LOL(hence the bad luck)

Very few people get me--personality wise-but those who do are always entertained.

Ha ha. Trust me. I have it. As far as diagnosis, there was a 6 month waiting list for that.

As a child, my teachers complained I was hyper. I was taken to see a psychologist. He said I wasn't hyper, just bored. Back then, ADD was not known about. Even today, there is a misconception that people with ADD are hyper. Wrong! That's ADHD which is a form of ADD. ADD does not automatically mean ADHD.

I have already been diagnosed with some of the symptoms by Yale University, but they never bothered to test for ADD as a root cause. They still whacked me $1300 for what they did though!

In college, I was also forced by parents and school to go through 10 weeks of therapy, but the psychiatrist was useless. He didn't even make an effort to determine a problem.

My brother and my uncle both have Adult ADD. My brother only found out this past Spring, and he is 44 years old. So, there is a family history too.

The person who first suggested I might have ADD worked in a convalescent home for 40 years, and was my mother's best friend.

So, this isn't something just in my head. There is a documented medical history of these problems going back to when I was 5 or 6 years old.

Anxiousness also increases with age, thats normal...

I guess that is true for why some people use a site like this. I just use it as entertainment. Certainly not the only way to meet people, though.

we are lucky to live in very large towns where there are plenty of people to choose from. i would imagine finding the right mate in such a small town would be increasingly hard as the years go by and everyone knows each other..