I had just come out of the store with two porterhouse steaks, a jumbo
sausage, a bag of chips, and a 6-pack of beer. A homeless man sat there
and said, "I haven't eaten for two days." I told him, "I wish I had your
frickinÂ’ will power."









Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the
next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with
her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. Wish
me luck.....I appear in court next Monday.


A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said, 'sorry
about the wait.' I said, 'don't worry, you're bound to lose it eventually.'


I was behind a rather large woman at the checkout. She had on a pair of
jeans that said, 'Guess.' I said, "I don't know........maybe 350 pounds."


Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches
tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance with a face like that!"


I have a new pick up line that works every time! It doesn't matter how
gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and
always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes, "Excuse me love,
could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to
you?"


Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day kept the doctor away.'
But since many doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich
works best.


I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells. Apparently Blacks and Mexicans were not the
correct answers.

hahahaha Ohhhh I loved it!

10 points awarded!

And another 10 for not being politically correct!


Way to go!

Now for the bonus round!