ok so wen i first wrote this i was like 17 but i want to know wat u all think about it.. i love constructive criticism so it willall help thanx

when im down i lick the ground, when im up i fly with the clouds
when im alone i hear the silence, a silence thats hard to ignore
and grows not only in my head but in my heart, feeling the
emptyness swallow me whole has no feeling at all.. just the
feeling of nothing taking its place, were there used to be
feelings of hate, regret, pain, but also love, passion,happiness
, the feeling of butterflys in ur stomache, the feeling of being
wanted, it just all goes away... should i fight it or let it win
cuz rite now i just dont know

Well, I did enjoy reading it, and it was quite good, but I think there needs to be more of a point to it, I mean i can get the point when im reading this, just not as much feeling as most poems need to have

well thats kind of the point im making... is that i losing my self in this deep pit of nothing were i cant even find my self to actually feel something for anything ... do u get my point?

well then i was completely wrong, sorry had to read it again lol

It gives me that SAD,,,yet that you do know,,THAT UP...so as it is,,I like it..and it has a very slow walk into your mind,,as it flows through,,very cool..And welcome to poems,,,,

It has a nice flow -- meanders a bit, but that's OK in what's basically a "stream of consciousness" piece....

I'd work on the spelling -- i.e., "emptyness" and "butterflys," etc.

I assume "stomache" is a typo. It could work as a sort of thematic coinage, a melding of "stomach" + "ache," if you wanted to convey that sense of pleasure/pain that so often accompanies the butterflies, but I think it's probably going to be too subtle for most people in that sense.

i enjoyed it also

it inspired "nighttime comes"

thank you all very much and ill work on them a little more to see if i can fix those little problems