An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant
wakes up and the elephant is dead. Damn, says the ant, one night
of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!

A girl saw three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them. ''What's
your name?'' she asks the first. To her surprise, the dog answers ''My
name's Huey and I'm having a great day going in and out of puddles.'' She goes up to the second dog and asks ''What's your name?'' The dog replies ''My name's Duey and I'm having a great day going in and out of puddles.'' She turns to the third dog and says ''I suppose you're going to tell me your name's Luey and you're having a great day going in and out of puddles.'' The
dog replies ''No, I'm having a miserable day and my name is
Puddles.''

A Duck walks into a bar.

Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread
After a few minutes
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: Look, we don't have any bread
In a little while
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread!
Some time later
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: If you ask me if I've got any
F*****g bread once more I'm gonna nail
your F*****g bill to this bar.
.....
............
Duck: You got any nails?
Barman: NO!
Duck: You got any bread?

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good
looking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on a
pile of cow dung and dives down toward her.

''Pardon me'' he asks, turning on his best charm,
''...but is this stool taken?''

the stool joke

Two flys sitting on a pile of poo. One passes gas.
The other says "Hey can't ya' see I'm eating over here"!