i took elena my boyfriend daughter with me we was going shoping for a few things for dinner, and i could never believe what she did when i was not looking she took some thing and put it under her shirt and when i was checking out she wanted to stand by the door i said ok when she went over there the alarm went off the checker seen she was hiding some thing under her shirt and i told the lady if she let me deal with it on my own she said ok, when i pay for my things and got to the car i told her she would be in big trouble when we got home i told her to wait in her room for her dad i call him and told him what happen he told me it was all up to me, since where going to get married soon she is my step daughter and i could deal with this but what should i do i do not know, she is only 6

The old school way, spank her little azz good and ground her for two weeks.

BUT this may work better...

Lessons by example. Find something she really loves and make it disappear on her mysteriously. After a few days make her admit to stealing from the store and then ask hr how it felt after you giver her back whatever it was she lost. REFUSE TO REPLACE IT TOO! Make her cry if at all possible. The more tears the more she will learn from the experience.

No violence and she learns a valuable life lesson. This will also test how well you know her.

Another approach is to sanction her if she already has been dressed down over it. Ground her for two weeks and tell her that what she is getting is a small taste of what big kids get when they get caught stealing. No radio, no TV, no Phone, NOTHING other than books for company. Also NO TOYS! Two straight weeks of nothing but bedroom and homework. Every time she complains add a day. I bet after three days the lesson might settle in. Your BF also has to agree to whatever you do.

Again another no Violence approach. You have to put your foot DOWN and keep it there for two weeks. Hopefully if you show her (REALLY IT IS BOTH YOU AND YOUR BF!!!) bad behavior is not tolerated she should learn and not test the fence like that in the future. You should also find out if a friend of hers is encouraging that behavior!

i know if it was up to my boyfriend he would make her bend over with skirt up but i am not sure what is the right move to do with some thing like this i all ready told her grandperents she is not going over there for the weeked

me and mark are sharing in the perenting since we are getting married soon, and we have a baby on the way this coming may

I would not let dad off the hook. You may be getting married,but you a are still going to have to share being the parents.
Wait till he gets home and figure it out together!
J.M.O.

i have all was wanted my own child and this may i am going to, and if i did some thing like this my own perents would have spanked me and i would be grounded for 2 or 3 weeks,

Letting security scare her might have been good.

Also making her hand it back to the store clerk and admit to stealing would have been good.

Putting her on punishment from getting something she likes for a bit would be a good deal as long as the reminder is there for her that it is because she stole and that won't tolerated ever.

Dad needs to stand next to you when you deal with her until she gets used to you being the disciplinarian because she will just make you out the bad guy and it won't work to well for you. You and dad need to do the disciplining together for a good while.

your talking about spanking her right, or what

what would you do if you was going to spank your child for stealing spank her with your hand or a paddle, mark has one the only time he use it if she did some thing really really bad would you call this it to

the last week she been very good i have had no problems with her at all, this is the first time in the last month i would guess

If she stabbed the family dog with scissors I would say a harsh azz paddling is called for fer sure.

Petty theft? Naw...

A repeat after the first round of consequences?

TAN THAT HINEY!

My son was around 3 years old when he stole a candy bar from the grocery store. I didn't know he took it until he showed me in the car. I marched his little butt right back in the store and asked for the manager. I explained to her what he did. I embarassed him. I asked the manager if there was anything he could do to pay for it. She had him straighten up a shelf with grocery bags on it.

I think it would have been effective if you had the manager sit her down and explain the consequences to her actions. At the age 6, children can comprehend right and wrong and consequences.

i sit down on the bed and mark put all her toys in the toy box and lock it she can't get in there, and elena was crying like crazy after that mark sit right by me and we both told her why she was in trouble and she is going to be grounded from all her toys and her gymnastics all the things she loves, after that mark told me she needed to be spanked i told her to come over and she would not so i did that 1,,,2,,,,3,,, she still would not so i said we needed the paddle after mark left the room she came over i told her she had her chance so she bend over on my knees and she got 6 on her panties but now i feel a little bad about it

If I were you, I'd insist that you and your boyfriend come up with a joint plan of action. You don't want to come across as the 'evil stepmother'.

Still you asserted authority. You were very soft about it. You also fed her rope and she hung herself. I do not think she will test the fence ever again. Just one thing I see a lot of parents forget is that children need to be rewarded here and there for good behavior too. There is the bait method where a date is planned to go to say, Disneyland or any attraction like that but there is a price to be paid if they want to go. Good behavior. If they follow through flawlessly only a bastard would go back on that deal and you can bet that will resew the seeds of rebellion.

For now let things die down quietly but no apologies from you. She earned her punitive reward as unfortunate as it may sound. The fact you are trying to curb bad behavior no instead of later will help in the long run. At least is was not bare bottom meeting paddle across tender cheek.

This is where you can make her "earn" redemption too but you need to be creative again. Rewards have to be very carefully handed out. It has everything to do with generating Pavlovian expectations where the child will demand a reward for anything they do. Kids can and will reverse a situation if they can to their benefit just like adults. There is no tailor made solution to any disciplinary issues. In this instance she received punitive measures for bad and belligerent behavior. She did wrong and refused to accept her punishment and her punishment escalated. Now she has to do her time. After she is done she can earn her toys back. Explain to her people have to earn things and that stealing from someone else hurts them the way she hurt when her toys got taken away from her. You should ask her then what makes her think it is right to hurt others. See what she says. The POST communication after this event is VERY important. You are not her mommy "Technically" but you are in charge. Do not try and become instant mommy. Try to be her friend first. There are dynamics in your life that the girl becoming part of your life and you part of hers now in a deeper sense means boundaries have to be laid out. Mark has to be a part of this too. This prevents schisms happening in the order of the house. Not trying to become her mommy prevents you from getting the "Your not my MOM!" routine from her later.

I think the changes in her life are messing with her too but frankly that is no excuse for certain bad behaviors. Stealing can get her in a lot of trouble later. And that if unchecked can lead to a lot worst behavior later.

Don't get down on yourself for being proactive. When hoses, belts, and other things are used to discipline a child that is just WRONG! Punishments really do have to be creatively done and fitting of the "crime" to really work. There is a name for children who are never spanked, SPOILED BRATS!

Who wants to raise one of those????

What I said in a nutshell!

I bow before your simple wisdom!

after she got spank she was sent to bed and to day she is doing a lot better i am very happy with that, i told her she can get her toys by working for them and she has been helping a lot, her real mother was never there for her and i would never do some thing like that to my child, i know elena is not my real daughter but she loves me and i love her and it's all going to work out some time soon we hope