Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: do you expect more?
buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Fri 07/30/10 04:41 PM
for instance.. does it bother you more when someone you are in a relationship with that you have feelings for to not call you when they said they would? rather than just a friend who said that to you that didnt call? or how about like your kids? does it bother you just as much as the above when it is your birthday and they dont call you? or fathers day, mothers day? does it effect you the same way as the above statement? It hurts me more than her...trust me... What happened to the 'Im a man' bit? Being a man is just as much about accepting responsibility as it is about neglecting pissy-poor moans about useless and trivial stuff. so are you saying im too sensitive? and pissy? cause im not .. this whole thought never occurred to me before... even when someone did not call... however the feelings were there of hurt.. as much as my kids not calling on those days... so it occurred to me to learn others thoughts on the issue..and i cant learn unless i ask!i love to learn and have a open mind about things I'm somewhat agreeing with you. Aside from the fact that it affects you more than me. Just personal opinion...but when I forget to talk to someone I enjoy talking too...it kills me inside. ahhhh i see!!! thanks for explaining!!!

Anton_k Joined Sun 02/10/08 Posts: 32665	Fri 07/30/10 04:44 PM
....i have no children of my own . itbothers me when i am in a relationship that her kids neglect to call her on such occassions.shows a lack of respect or even gratitude for all the things she has done for them and i tend to get a little upset.. I want to express to you that caution should be used here, if you do not know the dynamic of the relationships of the parent and child. My father was virtually absent from my childhood and the result is lots of awkwardness at spending time with him, sending him fathers day cards, calling etc because the truth is: we really dont know each other. I would prolly be more comfortable sending a fathers day card to a stranger than to a man who is my father but who i dont know. i did know the situation i was maried to the woman for 10 years..i think i am qualified to talk on that subject..

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Fri 07/30/10 04:45 PM Edited by buttons on Fri 07/30/10 04:47 PM
....i have no children of my own . itbothers me when i am in a relationship that her kids neglect to call her on such occassions.shows a lack of respect or even gratitude for all the things she has done for them and i tend to get a little upset.. I want to express to you that caution should be used here, if you do not know the dynamic of the relationships of the parent and child. My father was virtually absent from my childhood and the result is lots of awkwardness at spending time with him, sending him fathers day cards, calling etc because the truth is: we really dont know each other. I would prolly be more comfortable sending a fathers day card to a stranger than to a man who is my father but who i dont know. i did know the situation i was maried to the woman for 10 years..i think i am qualified to talk on that subject.. i dig that.. for.. you respect your partners feelings is all i see out of it.. when she was hurt you are hurt... that is what i got out of it... to me that shows you have feelings for her,,<or did>

Anton_k Joined Sun 02/10/08 Posts: 32665	Fri 07/30/10 04:47 PM
....i have no children of my own . itbothers me when i am in a relationship that her kids neglect to call her on such occassions.shows a lack of respect or even gratitude for all the things she has done for them and i tend to get a little upset.. I want to express to you that caution should be used here, if you do not know the dynamic of the relationships of the parent and child. My father was virtually absent from my childhood and the result is lots of awkwardness at spending time with him, sending him fathers day cards, calling etc because the truth is: we really dont know each other. I would prolly be more comfortable sending a fathers day card to a stranger than to a man who is my father but who i dont know. i did know the situation i was maried to the woman for 10 years..i think i am qualified to talk on that subject.. i dig that.. for.. you respect your partners feelings is all i see out of it.. when she was hurt you are hurt... that is what i got out of it... and that was my point but the kids should call..

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Fri 07/30/10 05:01 PM
....i have no children of my own . itbothers me when i am in a relationship that her kids neglect to call her on such occassions.shows a lack of respect or even gratitude for all the things she has done for them and i tend to get a little upset.. I want to express to you that caution should be used here, if you do not know the dynamic of the relationships of the parent and child. My father was virtually absent from my childhood and the result is lots of awkwardness at spending time with him, sending him fathers day cards, calling etc because the truth is: we really dont know each other. I would prolly be more comfortable sending a fathers day card to a stranger than to a man who is my father but who i dont know. i did know the situation i was maried to the woman for 10 years..i think i am qualified to talk on that subject.. i dig that.. for.. you respect your partners feelings is all i see out of it.. when she was hurt you are hurt... that is what i got out of it... to me that shows you have feelings for her,,<or did> I get the being hurt on someones behalf idea. My comment was in reference to 'if you do not know the dynamic'...getting in the midst of that can make the situation much worse for everyone. Ive been the kid side of the situation and dealt with the well-meaning, one sided interference of my fathers new wife. The rift in the relationship becomes even larger. i understand that as well!!!

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Fri 07/30/10 05:19 PM
whew!!!!!!!!! i love mingle!! i even feel better already!!.. i am getting that i am a lil over sensitive... yet have my head on my shoulders and have a right to be a bit bothered.. different ideas on occurrences of what might be the issue... and im open to it all! however if and when he does call i have ideas on what to think and not assume... or if he doesnt call ideas as well... i also feel my expectancies arent too high.. as i worried... yet still take it to a certain limit.. and not let it overwhelm me!!! and that it is all about respect! i thank each and everyone of you! im very thankful!

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Fri 07/30/10 05:33 PM
whew!!!!!!!!! i love mingle!! i even feel better already!!.. i am getting that i am a lil over sensitive... yet have my head on my shoulders and have a right to be a bit bothered.. different ideas on occurrences of what might be the issue... and im open to it all! however if and when he does call i have ideas on what to think and not assume... or if he doesnt call ideas as well... i also feel my expectancies arent too high.. as i worried... yet still take it to a certain limit.. and not let it overwhelm me!!! and that it is all about respect! i thank each and everyone of you! im very thankful! I think maybe decaf would reduce the number of exclamation points. Not that I require that. You are quite charming and I hope this great feeling you are having is here to stay. lol klc! i am just that relieved seriously! and very thankful as well. i have learned so much off of mingle to make me a much better person, stronger in my beliefs < rather people agreed or not i have learned new things to grow> it has been so good for me. i know for a fact that my first thoughts are not always right. and have not been successful in relationships in the past and here i have learned why. well some of it anyway. i feel it has seriously made me a better person, also i can learn the male species lol! in the forums anyway they are pretty darned honest! most all that has been said is so true! unless teasing me lol! and then it is usually when i know them and i already know when they are serious or having fun. i really am blessed to have found mingle.

EquusDancer Joined Sun 04/05/09 Posts: 6281	Fri 07/30/10 06:36 PM
Is this something that is passe'? I believe in common courtesy and if someone says they will call, then I would expect them to call. If they don't then I would hope they had a decent reason. I can understand being extremely busy and the time to call passes by though. Are manners and courtesy the thing of the past? I am out of the loop and don't know what is in or out... Common courtesy, simple respect does seem to have wandered off. Things happen, of course, but getting back in touch, and not making it a habit are the important things.

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Fri 07/30/10 06:40 PM Edited by buttons on Fri 07/30/10 06:43 PM
unbelievable... thanks again he did call... think ill go back to my closet! again thank you all for your input!it really helped me! i have to say as much time i spent... i am thankful lust did not take over! yes!!!!!!!!! not another struck up! to hell with dating or a damn relationship! i still respect myself though!maybe even more im not a manipulator! or a damn idiot! confused at times rarely but it happens.. and i thank gawd i have friends! and made the right choices for once! and better myself as i go!ive also learned courage from here.. so not just sit back and be shy... i think this set in... thanks to mingle! though i might be in the closet for a bit... im gonna come back out... perhaps the "right" opportunity may come along

mbcasey Joined Wed 02/14/07 Posts: 1805	Fri 07/30/10 07:22 PM
Is this something that is passe'? I believe in common courtesy and if someone says they will call, then I would expect them to call. If they don't then I would hope they had a decent reason. I can understand being extremely busy and the time to call passes by though. Are manners and courtesy the thing of the past? I am out of the loop and don't know what is in or out... Common courtesy, simple respect does seem to have wandered off. Things happen, of course, but getting back in touch, and not making it a habit are the important things. It's a shame that courtesy is becoming extinct. Why is that happening? What happened to make people uncivilized and treat each other with disrespect?

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Fri 07/30/10 09:56 PM
hey he did have common courtesy to call... he was busy paying his employees lol! It was the conversation that took place when he called.. that really made the difference! seems to have forgotten all the stuff he said 3 nights before im good! lol! yet still dissapointed! I need to move on to better things is all.. One day I'll find that. and i choose to wait. thankfully!

Suzanne20 Joined Thu 11/15/07 Posts: 9261	Fri 07/30/10 09:57 PM
I don't expect anything from anybody. That way my expectations are always met. Sadly ditto

Mayhem_J Joined Mon 07/21/08 Posts: 14265	Fri 07/30/10 09:58 PM
I u.

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Fri 07/30/10 09:59 PM Edited by buttons on Fri 07/30/10 10:02 PM
i have learned to expect im sorry but i do! cause im worth it!

Mayhem_J Joined Mon 07/21/08 Posts: 14265	Fri 07/30/10 10:01 PM
I do...I really u.

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Fri 07/30/10 10:06 PM
wow! i can edit again!

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Fri 07/30/10 10:15 PM Edited by navygirl on Fri 07/30/10 10:49 PM
for instance.. does it bother you more when someone you are in a relationship with that you have feelings for to not call you when they said they would? rather than just a friend who said that to you that didnt call? or how about like your kids? does it bother you just as much as the above when it is your birthday and they dont call you? or fathers day, mothers day? does it effect you the same way as the above statement? Well,I have just started dating a guy about a week ago and he didn't call when he said he would. I didn't get upset about it as I figured something came up. Well sure enough the day after; he did call to apologize for not calling as he was in the middle of a job. So, a missed phone call whether I am in a relationship or not is not going to make me fall apart as the world surely doesn't revolve around me but however that is just my opinion about how I deal with it.

Kings_Knight Joined Sat 01/31/09 Posts: 3718	Sat 07/31/10 06:41 AM
"No expectations" = "No disappointments" = "No arguments". Life is good.

Jhavez Joined Wed 10/17/07 Posts: 15557	Sat 07/31/10 08:50 AM
Your Lover: If they say they will call then they better. If you expect them to call and they did not say they would, it should not bother you. If it bothers you, try not to think about it. Go fishing or watch your favorite football team on TV (or whatever womanly thing it is you do ). Your Family: Do not expect them to call when they say they will. Especially sons and daughters, because they tend to let us slip down the list of priority calls. But they better call on those important days!!!!! (Mother's Day, Father's Day, Birthday, When Sick.....) Friends: Expect a call from them only when it is time to PARTY!!!!

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Sat 07/31/10 09:37 PM
Well, Ms. Buttons, as usual, you remind me that I dont know which end is up, and that I must learn to be comfortable in this condition or succumb to foolish supposed awareness. heck i dont either lol!