I've had depression for as long as I can remember, been in and out of counseling and physiatrist. I've been on different meds, but nothing that has helped any. I'm OK with it though. I don't feel like there's anything that can really help me, not at this point.

Lately though I've been beginning to realize just how bad the thought of death/suicide is with me.

I mean, I know it's not a good thing or normal to have a constant thought of wanting to die or commit suicide, but it never really bothered me that I had those thoughts, or even that I had them constantly. I know they're not my true thoughts, just the depression talking.

Lately though I've been starting to wonder. Do I REALLY want to die?

I don't know. I just wish there was something that could make those thoughts go away.

You have to figure out how to be happy with yourself, no one else can make you happy but you. Just remember you have friends on Mingle.

But I am happy with myself.

Brother. society makes us feel that we can't be who we truly are. Thoughts of dying are normal. everyone thinks of their own mortality at some point. Thoughts of suicide we all have had them. Hell there is books on how to do it. suicide though isn't fair. I mean it's your life do with it as you want, but also think about the little kid in the hospital who wants to live, but is dying of cancer.

You have to make yourself feel alive. Go to a gym. Give boxing a try. I mean if your willing to take your life whats wrong with taking a punch? Feel the aggression that builds inside you. As you end up finding yourself wanting to be the dominate one. Man vs. Man. Science vs. brutality. You will feel alive when your nose gets popped and you see the blood gush. You will enjoy life when you bust the other guys face and his blood splashes back on you. Heart of a savage. Eye of el tigre my man. Keep your head up.

Many people here in the Philippines are depressed. But still they laugh, take their guitar and start to sing with friends. Take life easy and spend it to the fullest. my late Mom said: Never look up. always look down. If i know your email. i will send you many food4 thought to ease away your depression...

Well, as a depression sufferer myself, I understand. I can't help with making them go away except to say I usually only have those thoughts when I'm alone. Find someone to be around, I know it's crazy to say on a dating site, but even just a roommate might help.


What I do when I have a "tasty shotgun moment," well there are a few things that keep me from doing that. First is, well good manners. It would be inconsiderate of me to leave that kind of mess behind, especially since I've not made arrangements for after my demise (will, funeral and such). Second, I won't give the b@st@rds the satisfaction of knowing that they got to me. I don't even know who they are, but I won't let them break me. Three, no one might ever want what few things I have to offer, but I still cling to a few small rays of hope, because I know I'm worth it.

Yeah, that's why I wouldn't do it either, except instead of the mess part, I wouldn't want to hurt my family like that.

Right now I'm living with my mom to help her with my 2 year old nephew. But, I still get those thoughts, even when I don't feel lonely.

Like when I was at the ocean last week, I was thinking about how I just wanted to swim and let the ocean carry me away, but I was with my mom and nephew.

Well, I personally find family very little comfort when I'm feeling depressed. I know they love me, but they just don't know how to deal with me when I'm feeling down. That and I'm the one in the family that seems to get all the jobs that require you to keep your emotions in check (i.e. telling Grandpa he couldn't drive anymore, or taking the family dog out to be put to sleep).

As men, we seem to be required to be like "rocks" in front of our family. Their strength and support. No, I meant friends when I said roommate because family is generally a larger contributer to depression than helper. They mean well, but just don't seem to be a comfort. I think it's because a person knows their family loves them unconditionally. But a stranger that cares, well, we know that this means that they accept us for who we are, not who we were born too.

I never really had friends I felt cared about me and really accepted me for me. I just stopped talking to friends because I felt they were using me rather than being actual friends.

I don't really like the idea of a roomate, because I really don't trust aynone enough.


I think being alone actually does help me though. I actually enjoy being alone.

Well, if some down time from folks really helps, then definately do some more of that. Maybe a weekend getaway with a tent and harmonica is just what you need.

I still like the advice of Junior in Platoon "free your mind, and your a$$ will follow."

i went through depression when i was 16, some issue came up and i would rather tell you in the email.
but every now and then i will brake down for no reason. i think way back when i had thoughts of suicide but never told my family
my doc one yr had ask me if i was depressed, didnt want to tell him yes for i was already taking enough meds as it was..
im also on dialysis have been for 5yrs. that would trigger depression for anyone, or more deeper if you had been already

so if you need anyone to talk, email me and im willing to be the listening ear

First of all.Please,Please never commit suicide!!!Nothing is ever worth it.There are so many people that will help you if given the chance.
I lost my brother on April 12th of this year to suicide.Needless to say,Our family will never be the same.
I think the best medicine you can get is to (Give it to God)
That is what my kid did.And she takes no meds at all now.She knows the good Lord will carry the load.And he is.
Never stop seeking help,And talking.
Ever need to talk,I am here!

As others have pointed out thoughts of suicide are not abnormal when you are clinically depressed. I have bipolar disorder and have had thoughts in the past much as you do now.

If it gets worse go seek help from a professional. There is a thread for people with depression under the misc advice and support catagory here on Mingle2. If you need to just type out your feelings, that is a good place to do so. There are a few people who regularly post there and give great advice.

You may also need an adjustment of your meds. Best of luck to you and hang in there.

So sorry for your loss....

I am in the same boat as you are. I have been admitted into the 2north east ward of the Loma Linda ca Veterans hospital for suicide watch.Twice in fact. I suffer with a few disorders. And also want to remain alone. I am most happiest when I don't have to be confronted by people. That's why I write my profile like I do. I KNOW any woman in their right mind would'nt want anything to do with me after they read my profile. Its kinda self protect kinda thing. I use Mingle2 for a way to interact with the world, with out physically interacting. I am able to stay in my ca coon, and read what people have to say. And be able to say what runs through my mind at the time. Without having the feelings of inadequacy.

No, I would never commit suicide. I wouldn't want to hurt my family like that. sorry for your loss.

Just a tip here, but when I realized meds weren't helping any of my conditions I changed my diet. Might help to start eating better and doing some excercise, doesn't work for everyone but it does work for some.

Regular moderate exercise, a good diet, plenty of sunshine, social interactions of almost any kind-preferably service work, do as much for depression as most first line medications:Prozac, Paxil, etc. Used together it can really make a difference.

Everybody I am sure has had depressing moments...they just handle them differently. Depression, however, is a tough hole to dig yourself out of though. I find I get more depressed these days than ever and I even allow myself to wallow in the land of "what-if" for a time and then I get right back to living my life as best as I can. Unfortunately, everybody around me takes advantage of me at one time or another, so I self-isolate a lot, and then there are other times when I am dying for someone to talk to or be around. I am happy with myself for the most part, but feel like I miss out on a lot too, which also makes me depressed. Its a vicious cycle and sometimes you just need to kick yourself out of it.

All I can do is send hugs and kisses and love to you!



Tammy