Murder at Kroger's





Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a
young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large
insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and
arranging to have her killed.



A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld
figure who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband
that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.



The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't
have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.



Artie insisted on being paid something up front. The man opened up his
wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie
sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as
down payment for the dirty deed.



A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Kroger
grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and
proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor
unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the
manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene.



Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to
strangle the produce manager as well. Unknown to Artie, the entire
proceedings were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's
security guard, who immediately called the police.



Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store. Under
intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid
plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband.



And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...



[You're going to hate me for this]





OK, here it is







"ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT KROGER'S"