I wrote this sometime in the year 2002. However, it is about the time,
while I was stationed in Qatar and I had found out a divorce was on the
way. The Army thought I was sane enough to drive around a vehicle alone
in the compound we lived with a loaded 9mm looking out for bad guys on
New Year's Day. I had been seeing a therapist over there as well. I
often ask myself why it turned out the way it did. But I know the
answer to that. It was my children.


The Urge


Feeling the circle as it presses hard into the skin

Coldness of the steel, sweating on the forehead.

Life crumbling, falling, flowing away, how did it begin?

Trembling, shaking, tears appear, shortly will I be dead?

Thoughts flowing, the beginning to the end of each and every day

Life closing in, mind pounding, exploding, complete overload.

Calling out, questions are asked if there can be another way

Thinking, remembering, the scriptures just seem like code.

Blood seeping, seeking, coating the flesh and wetting the hair

Reality? It seems, yet drifting deeper within a nightmare or
dream.

Take away the circle, begin life, live it on a gamble, bet or a
dare

Let darkness fade, replaced with a glowing light beam

Conquer the conscious, holding true to the ultimate belief

The soul traveling retreats into where it came, its very being

Walls melt away heart pounding showing its delicious relief

Death running fast away, life chasing, causing death to flee.