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| Topic: the one i like but others dont get | |
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hindsight
packed my emotions up trailed a sunset to a place i thought ive known almost drownd in shallow souls on the shores of surrender when my preminitions let me down ive seen your eyes from so long before sought similarities but no trace of yours to you this carried weight could be something to hold to me its evident seek peace as it unfolds lived by these sheltered demons sought refuge in a sin held my heart outside of me till i acked within in search of some tomorrow untainted by the past to clense myself of sorrow where the shadows cast ive seen your eyes from so long before sought similarities but no trace of yours to you this carried weight could be something to hold to me its always been seek peace as it unfolds. |
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i like the overall piece though, i find a slight
contradiction with the word "untainted" if the subject seeks cleansing, wouldn’t “tainted” be more appropriate? just a thought...nothing more welcome aboard 
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you know good point, most of my writing comes with a guitar in hand and just kinda spills out i never could lie to myself in it so maybe ive been looking for something "tainted" all this time without realizing it. thanks for the insight.
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Edited by
Queene123
on
Sat 05/15/10 02:34 AM
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hindsight packed my emotions up trailed a sunset to a place i thought ive known almost drownd in shallow souls on the shores of surrender when my preminitions let me down ive seen your eyes from so long before sought similarities but no trace of yours to you this carried weight could be something to hold to me its evident seek peace as it unfolds lived by these sheltered demons sought refuge in a sin held my heart outside of me till i acked within in search of some tomorrow untainted by the past to clense myself of sorrow where the shadows cast ive seen your eyes from so long before sought similarities but no trace of yours to you this carried weight could be something to hold to me its always been seek peace as it unfolds. adding to your poem the sunset follow down memory lane through the fields of lost hope as there is no trace of shattered beganings as the demons came upon that before as my heart was torn. from unknown world that was ment to be for there had been no peace that we know, but for now we must carry on as my heart will mend in time as i look back and watch the new found beauty of nature takes it path, as i as well taking my new journey to a new fresh start |
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i like it might try to use it as an improve addition to the song one day if you dont mind.
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Very COOL!!
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