I am learning… trying…
Too much of a good thing, eventually become bad…
Does this apply to love? I know it does with Desire?
The desire to be with you
How does one want something so much that they end up hurting the very thing they love?
I guess a question for the ages…
Ok problem recognized, but what about the solution?
Do I try to put you out of my mind?
Try to want you less?
Make an attempt to back up?
But isn’t that like reversing in the dark?
I didn’t drop any bread crumbs on my way here…
I don’t know my way back,
I don’t want to go back,
I don’t want to want you less or put you out of my mind…
No that would be cheating myself..
I couldn’t, even if I wanted to…
You have become part of me,
Removing you would be a self-inflicted wound…
Harming you is harming myself…
Harming myself is harming you
So what gives?
So many questions, not enough answers…
I am not perfect… that’s obvious
Not trying to be perfect, that’s also obvious…
I am just trying to survive, trying to deal
Deal with all the curve ball life throws my way
For the most part I am able to handle them… but, once in awhile…
Once in awhile they come too fast
I cant sort things out fast enough to keep up with the pace of the bullshit…
And one knocks me back, catches me off guard
And if one hits you, eventually they all hit you
Cause the pace of the ******** never stops…
And when they are hitting you, it is a feeling of disorientation
Like losing your mind, like drowning…
So I feel like I am drowning…
Even though I am slow to recognize it…
So I need something to hold on to. Do I?
Foolish pride would rather see me drown first…
Because holding on is a double edge sword…
So I am careful what I hold on to…
I have never held on to people…
People are irrational and have no consistency
So I rely on what I know best. Me.
The thing with holding on…
That object better be worth holding on to,
Whatever I hold on to better be Buoyant,
Like a soccer ball, Buoyant and consistent
Because I wouldn’t want to hold on to anything and have it sink along with me…
I couldn’t live with myself…
I would rather drown alone than take someone with me…
So what do I do?
More questions, huh?… I thought we are looking for answers…
I am no longer floating, I am sinking…
Do I wallow in self pity, no?
Do I complain, no?
I strengthen my resolve… commit myself…
I block everything out, I focus…
Yes, I focus, at least that is what I call it…
Strip away all that is unimportant…
Just leaving just enough to cover the basic needs…
Food, clothing, shelter and… Love?..
How did that creep into the equation?
I don’t know, but it is here now
Now love was never a basic need before, so it is new..
Dealing with it is new
It comes with a truck-load of other feelings
Feelings not part of the original crisis management package
Like Patience, understanding, selflessness…
I am learning…
I am trying…
All these things take energy and time
So I am expanding my capacity
I don’t know it if it is good enough
But I am trying…
I am learning…
I fear I have become the “third rail”
A dark cloud over our relationship…
You speak of cynicism, you are right
I have grown more cynical…
My frustration has no direction…
So I am bottled up…
No focus
A waste of energy…
“Contents Under Pressure” the label should say
Praying to god you aren’t near me when I eventually explode…
Hoping that I don’t destroy the very thing I want to protect…
That would be Ironic
So I laugh
I can only laugh at life…
It isn’t funny, but I laugh
It keeps me sane….
In these moment of insanity…
So I am learning…
I am trying….

Don't try...Just do...I like your writes..

To be REAL with ya,,as I don't BS to someone about them if its stated as being real here,,wink,ok..
YOU have a very natural writing ability that BLOWS OUT TO THE READER
and THATS a great gift to own....BE you and be PROUD of the talent you do and show as it is in my mind,,and read,,,VERY GOOD...
Send some short ones to some Gift Card Companies,,,,
SEE what THEY think and send you back???

captivating

Wow....The compliments comming from you mean "alot",... as I have truely found incrediable pleasure in reading your writings.
Thank you for the suggestion and again for the compliment.



Thank you to all of you who read my poems and enjoy them! That is a writers best compliment.


Sasha