Why do the slow ones gravitate toward Illinois and Indiana?

Followup concept -- since I discovered that the poodle is actually a baby seal, how about this --

A team of corporate executives, in suits and ties and full-blown businessman regalia, up in Alaska, hitting baby seals over the head with little tiny bottles of dishwashing liquid. Of course the bottles are too small to do any damage, so the seals just ignore the evil businessmen. But then Sally Struthers shows up and shoots all of the deranged suit-wearers with the gun that she learned how to fix many years ago by taking that Gun Repair class she used to do the commercials for.

The seals are saved (although the only real danger was that a bottle might break and make them smell like Country-Fresh Breeze Scent or something), Big Business is thwarted, and Sally gets some kind of award and maybe some Arby's coupons.