A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,

"Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots,
but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say,

"Hi, we're hookers!
Do you want to have some fun?"


That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed,
then he thought for a moment.
"You know," he said,
"I may have a solution to your problem.

I have two male talking parrots,
which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house,
and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,
and your parrots are sure to stop saying . . .
that phrase in no time."

Thank you," the woman responded,
"this may very well be the solution."

The next day,
she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in,
she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed,
she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes,
the female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers!
Do you want to have some fun?"


There was stunned silence.
Shocked,
Pete the parrot looked over at the other male parrot
and exclaimed,
"Put the beads away, Frank.
Our prayers have been answered!"


Kat

Thanks Kat

Thank you sctter. That was definanetly on the lighter side.

A sermon about lying
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the
sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read
Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister
asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.
Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen
chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

What's your religion?
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the
edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do
it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"

"Religious."

"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the
Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed
Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or
Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

I do so feel guilty when I burst out with a laugh at these kinds jokes.
So in order to explain my outburst in front of kind hearted believing
friends, I just tell them, it was the element of surprise that got me.

Do you suppose that's compounding a sin?

Hide him during a war
It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to
confess, so went to his priest:

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my
attic."

"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."

"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."

"What is that, my son?"

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"