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I've always been suicidal but I'm such a procrastinator Same here, besides the depression takes so much energy from me. I wouldn't have the energy to go through with it anyway.  Seriously though, if I could find out what my real problem is, I would be so happy. I'm thinking I may have schizophrenia. I'm not sure though. I don't have hallucinations, but I do get paranoid and anxiety. I obviously have depression as well. I think my depression is more of a symptom than the actual problem though. I don't know though. Sometimes it just is what it is and you have to treat it as such. Your best ally is your own will to overcome it. (Besides seeing a doctor if this is an option) But sometimes you have to simply decide you're not going to go thru this today. And then tomorrow, you decide for yourself again, you're not going thru this today. Don't get to far ahead of yourself. But doing this, at least for me, helped alot. It put me back in charge of my own happiness and depression. I really am responsible for how happy I am, and am not. I'll never be a fully happy person, just because I've lost so much that the wounds are to deep to totally heal. The scars are there. But, I can have a better quality from day to day than I was having. It doesn't have to hurt everyday. It really doesn't. Yeah, I'm afraid that's what it is. But, I have to try every other opition before I can admit that. When I was being treated for depression nothing worked, it all just made me tired, it didn't fix any problems. 
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I've always been suicidal but I'm such a procrastinator Same here, besides the depression takes so much energy from me. I wouldn't have the energy to go through with it anyway. Seriously though, if I could find out what my real problem is, I would be so happy. I'm thinking I may have schizophrenia. I'm not sure though. I don't have hallucinations, but I do get paranoid and anxiety. I obviously have depression as well. I think my depression is more of a symptom than the actual problem though. I don't know though. Sometimes it just is what it is and you have to treat it as such. Your best ally is your own will to overcome it. (Besides seeing a doctor if this is an option) But sometimes you have to simply decide you're not going to go thru this today. And then tomorrow, you decide for yourself again, you're not going thru this today. Don't get to far ahead of yourself. But doing this, at least for me, helped alot. It put me back in charge of my own happiness and depression. I really am responsible for how happy I am, and am not. I'll never be a fully happy person, just because I've lost so much that the wounds are to deep to totally heal. The scars are there. But, I can have a better quality from day to day than I was having. It doesn't have to hurt everyday. It really doesn't. Yeah, I'm afraid that's what it is. But, I have to try every other opition before I can admit that. When I was being treated for depression nothing worked, it all just made me tired, it didn't fix any problems. But that's thing, there is no fix for it. I think it may just by an illusion. The real problem is that I only think there is a problem and I will spend my whole life trying to fix it. |
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But that's thing, there is no fix for it. I think it may just by an illusion. The real problem is that I only think there is a problem and I will spend my whole life trying to fix it. Ok so assume that is the case then. Often times these things are a life long battle. At least you know it and you can work on. It may never totally go away but you can be aware of it and try to at least improve. At the risk of sounding totally cliche... it could be worse. Not to say it's not bad, but it could be a life long battle with something far more terrible. That's how I look at it with myself anyway. Some days you're gonna win, and some you're gonna lose. The key is to win more than you lose. All kinds of mental disorders such as depression are an illusion so to speak. It's only real to you. I know you're saying that maybe it's really not real, you just think it is. But it is real. That's how it feels. If it were truly an illusion, you woulda been over this long ago. |
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