A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra Movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of Math Instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle' . . .

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of Math Instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.' White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physiques will follow----

This is the sort of news that you wake up to everyday and just wonder about just how safe we all really are.

This is hilarious, Willing. Did you come up with this all by your lonesome? Very funny. Except for the comment made by White House Aides. uuuh,....pretty sure that part wasn't true.

Nah, I stole it from somewhere else.