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| Topic: Is This A Red Flag To Anyone Besides Me? | |
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Thanx, and I'd only agree on surrounding the ways one has been hurt and violated in the past w/ MUCH processing and self love. NEVER bury it! Umm, perhaps you misunderstand me? Let me clarify ... I actually believe in VERY much staying connected to the past as teacher and for our dearest touchstone friends and family! Why abandon the beauty of one's very foundation!? I am, and would be, ultra~wary of any not mature and aware enough to do so w/ both the good and the bad! That is the essence of a WHOLE person ... AND? I fully believe in embracing past loves as forever friends, the times that the ex has been a true friend. This has been my life pattern and I VERY much seek it in a partner also. Even I have had 2 situations where such was not possible, to the point of being a dangerous undertaking. Self love and protection applies then, not forgetting what is informing! Mammals must constantly review burns info, so as to avoid future burns, etc. My point was more to be disturbed by an internet, or otherwise, connection that had only terrible stories of not JUST the last, but ALL their exes ... and was consistently unaccountable to ANY past relationship demise as a constant through every tale! Venting as a beginning? That is sure to also reveal a lifelong pattern. Why involve one's self w/ someone that is not only obviously on the rebound, but is also just a genuinely nasty soul? Those ranting to their supposed 'new love' conquest about the last or EVERY past relationship that they feign absolute victimhood? GREAT INFO that heeds careful listening skills! ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT looms large here, and will touch EVERY other aspect of their life! ... HUGE red flags! Still, even saying this out loud informs such predators to hide this poker tell! But, the truth will seep out, it is their nature to constantly vent after all! Be aware ... so as to BEWARE!!! Aaahh. I see. Thank you for clarifying.  Now, when you speak of "burns" are you speaking metaphorically? Methinks though doth protesteth too much?! Surely you understand and seem to seek to only mock me?  Absolutely not! I would never use the forums to take out my hostilities towards someone as so many do.
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If there is one thing I have learned it's this: An individual gets him or herself into at least 70% of all their trials, drama and even severe trouble, the other 30% can be attributed to things out of our control.
I also know full well that we are the rulers of our own emotions. I don't believe we can stop the emotions from hitting us like a mac truck, but once struck we can decide what to do with it from there. People say all the time "You can't help who you love". Oh? How can we stop ourselves from punching an idiot in the mouth that just angered us to a high degree? My point here is that too many start a relationship with the wrong person and they deny the fact for the heart wants what it wants at the moment. It is our jobs to tell our hearts to sit down, have a coke and a smile and shut the "bleep" up. It will get what it needs not what it wants. Should we choose to ignore red flags and proceed anyways then in the beginning we should have prepared ourselves for the disappointment surely to come and move on like a champ. No it's not that easy, it took me 30 years to figure this out and train myself, but it is an honor to see that my three children have gained the wisdom I wish I had had when I started off in this world. |
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If there is one thing I have learned it's this: An individual gets him or herself into at least 70% of all their trials, drama and even severe trouble, the other 30% can be attributed to things out of our control. I also know full well that we are the rulers of our own emotions. I don't believe we can stop the emotions from hitting us like a mac truck, but once struck we can decide what to do with it from there. People say all the time "You can't help who you love". Oh? How can we stop ourselves from punching an idiot in the mouth that just angered us to a high degree? My point here is that too many start a relationship with the wrong person and they deny the fact for the heart wants what it wants at the moment. It is our jobs to tell our hearts to sit down, have a coke and a smile and shut the "bleep" up. It will get what it needs not what it wants. Should we choose to ignore red flags and proceed anyways then in the beginning we should have prepared ourselves for the disappointment surely to come and move on like a champ. No it's not that easy, it took me 30 years to figure this out and train myself, but it is an honor to see that my three children have gained the wisdom I wish I had had when I started off in this world. Yep, I relate to all that you spoke, and it isn't easy to read it or run from! ... Those attraction triggers can reduce us ALL to babblin', Jr High idjits in a hopeless crush and w/ out a lick of common sense, mush for brains! ... I believe it is not so much what 'our heart' wants that rushes us in where angels fear to tread ... ... More an ideation of what we WANT that available person to BE, and the lust and desire that generates, transposed onto this random being's identity ... that actually hasn't what we seek in the least, never did and never will! Then, too late! Our entire, inner chemistry lab and very being are overtaken, down into the 'Tsunami of Stupidity'! In the end? ... We chose badly! Just wishful and delusional, majikal thinking that can put us so far DOWN under, in our own spell, that we throw ourselves from the highest cliff, dashed on the rocks below ... (metaphorically speaking, of course ...)! Wisdom is a hard earned treasure; I'm glad your children are learning by example, that your errors have actually taken on such meaning! I pray the same for my daughter, times infinity!!! History CAN teach! TY! |
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... Those attraction triggers can reduce us ALL to babblin', Jr High idjits in a hopeless crush and w/ out a lick of common sense, mush for brains! ... I believe it is not so much what 'our heart' wants that rushes us in where angels fear to tread ... ... More an ideation of what we WANT that available person to BE, and the lust and desire that generates, transposed onto this random being's identity ... that actually hasn't what we seek in the least, never did and never will! Then, too late! Our entire, inner chemistry lab and very being are overtaken, down into the 'Tsunami of Stupidity'! In the end? ... We chose badly! Just wishful and delusional, majikal thinking that can put us so far DOWN under, in our own spell, that we throw ourselves from the highest cliff, dashed on the rocks below ... (metaphorically speaking, of course ...)! Wisdom is a hard earned treasure; I'm glad your children are learning by example, that your errors have actually taken on such meaning! I pray the same for my daughter, times infinity!!! History CAN teach! TY! I understand what you are saying, truly, but my womanhood will not run my emotions either. I see lust and chemistry for what it is and thankful for it. It makes me feel alive, but I know how to separate love from lust, and chemistry from the "right one". Nothing like a good instant chemistry thing and yes it can make us act out of character, but to what degree? Self discipline coupled with that blessed wisdom is core. Please don't think I was aiming my post at you Hon, I tend to speak more to myself as to remind myself who I am and where I came from. I don't mind anyone else getting any understanding or another view on an issue as well as I have enjoyed your thoughts! 
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... Those attraction triggers can reduce us ALL to babblin', Jr High idjits in a hopeless crush and w/ out a lick of common sense, mush for brains! ... I believe it is not so much what 'our heart' wants that rushes us in where angels fear to tread ... ... More an ideation of what we WANT that available person to BE, and the lust and desire that generates, transposed onto this random being's identity ... that actually hasn't what we seek in the least, never did and never will! Then, too late! Our entire, inner chemistry lab and very being are overtaken, down into the 'Tsunami of Stupidity'! In the end? ... We chose badly! Just wishful and delusional, majikal thinking that can put us so far DOWN under, in our own spell, that we throw ourselves from the highest cliff, dashed on the rocks below ... (metaphorically speaking, of course ...)! Wisdom is a hard earned treasure; I'm glad your children are learning by example, that your errors have actually taken on such meaning! I pray the same for my daughter, times infinity!!! History CAN teach! TY! I understand what you are saying, truly, but my womanhood will not run my emotions either. I see lust and chemistry for what it is and thankful for it. It makes me feel alive, but I know how to separate love from lust, and chemistry from the "right one". Nothing like a good instant chemistry thing and yes it can make us act out of character, but to what degree? Self discipline coupled with that blessed wisdom is core. Please don't think I was aiming my post at you Hon, I tend to speak more to myself as to remind myself who I am and where I came from. I don't mind anyone else getting any understanding or another view on an issue as well as I have enjoyed your thoughts! Oh, absolutely! NO offense taken ... more a feeling we've (those older and wiser) all walked in your shoes, and hopefully learned and grew from it. I know I have! Was more elaborating on the 'before you know what you really always knew anyway' phase! Relating your post to the on topic 'red flag' thang; sometimes WE have been our own red flag in duping ourselves ... I relate to every single thing you said in both posts, and am also saluting the wisdom that I too have gained from similarity of history! In theory anyway ... I hope to pass my own 'test' next time. I ONLY seek one last and true love! That means exercising all this spoken of: wisdom, control, caution, patience and uncanny discernment! |
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... Those attraction triggers can reduce us ALL to babblin', Jr High idjits in a hopeless crush and w/ out a lick of common sense, mush for brains! ... I believe it is not so much what 'our heart' wants that rushes us in where angels fear to tread ... ... More an ideation of what we WANT that available person to BE, and the lust and desire that generates, transposed onto this random being's identity ... that actually hasn't what we seek in the least, never did and never will! Then, too late! Our entire, inner chemistry lab and very being are overtaken, down into the 'Tsunami of Stupidity'! In the end? ... We chose badly! Just wishful and delusional, majikal thinking that can put us so far DOWN under, in our own spell, that we throw ourselves from the highest cliff, dashed on the rocks below ... (metaphorically speaking, of course ...)! Wisdom is a hard earned treasure; I'm glad your children are learning by example, that your errors have actually taken on such meaning! I pray the same for my daughter, times infinity!!! History CAN teach! TY! I understand what you are saying, truly, but my womanhood will not run my emotions either. I see lust and chemistry for what it is and thankful for it. It makes me feel alive, but I know how to separate love from lust, and chemistry from the "right one". Nothing like a good instant chemistry thing and yes it can make us act out of character, but to what degree? Self discipline coupled with that blessed wisdom is core. Please don't think I was aiming my post at you Hon, I tend to speak more to myself as to remind myself who I am and where I came from. I don't mind anyone else getting any understanding or another view on an issue as well as I have enjoyed your thoughts! Oh, absolutely! NO offense taken ... more a feeling we've (those older and wiser) all walked in your shoes, and hopefully learned and grew from it. I know I have! Was more elaborating on the 'before you know what you really always knew anyway' phase! Relating your post to the on topic 'red flag' thang; sometimes WE have been our own red flag in duping ourselves ... I relate to every single thing you said in both posts, and am also saluting the wisdom that I too have gained from similarity of history! In theory anyway ... I hope to pass my own 'test' next time. I ONLY seek one last and true love! That means exercising all this spoken of: wisdom, control, caution, patience and uncanny discernment! But by living and learning and practicing what we have learned doesn't it seem we just cut down our chances of finding the one by at least 75% ? A great deal of red flags out there. Honestly, sometimes I think I might be a little too hard on some men, not giving them a chance for I am ever watchful of the red flags and sometimes dismiss them before I could have discover the so called red flag was just a case of nerves. I don't think I do, but it is possible. The bad side of being happy and content with oneself at least for me is I can take love or leave it and I am not willing to go through any drama to achieve it, love or "the one" that is. |
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... Those attraction triggers can reduce us ALL to babblin', Jr High idjits in a hopeless crush and w/ out a lick of common sense, mush for brains! ... I believe it is not so much what 'our heart' wants that rushes us in where angels fear to tread ... ... More an ideation of what we WANT that available person to BE, and the lust and desire that generates, transposed onto this random being's identity ... that actually hasn't what we seek in the least, never did and never will! Then, too late! Our entire, inner chemistry lab and very being are overtaken, down into the 'Tsunami of Stupidity'! In the end? ... We chose badly! Just wishful and delusional, majikal thinking that can put us so far DOWN under, in our own spell, that we throw ourselves from the highest cliff, dashed on the rocks below ... (metaphorically speaking, of course ...)! Wisdom is a hard earned treasure; I'm glad your children are learning by example, that your errors have actually taken on such meaning! I pray the same for my daughter, times infinity!!! History CAN teach! TY! I understand what you are saying, truly, but my womanhood will not run my emotions either. I see lust and chemistry for what it is and thankful for it. It makes me feel alive, but I know how to separate love from lust, and chemistry from the "right one". Nothing like a good instant chemistry thing and yes it can make us act out of character, but to what degree? Self discipline coupled with that blessed wisdom is core. Please don't think I was aiming my post at you Hon, I tend to speak more to myself as to remind myself who I am and where I came from. I don't mind anyone else getting any understanding or another view on an issue as well as I have enjoyed your thoughts! Oh, absolutely! NO offense taken ... more a feeling we've (those older and wiser) all walked in your shoes, and hopefully learned and grew from it. I know I have! Was more elaborating on the 'before you know what you really always knew anyway' phase! Relating your post to the on topic 'red flag' thang; sometimes WE have been our own red flag in duping ourselves ... I relate to every single thing you said in both posts, and am also saluting the wisdom that I too have gained from similarity of history! In theory anyway ... I hope to pass my own 'test' next time. I ONLY seek one last and true love! That means exercising all this spoken of: wisdom, control, caution, patience and uncanny discernment! But by living and learning and practicing what we have learned doesn't it seem we just cut down our chances of finding the one by at least 75% ? A great deal of red flags out there. Honestly, sometimes I think I might be a little too hard on some men, not giving them a chance for I am ever watchful of the red flags and sometimes dismiss them before I could have discover the so called red flag was just a case of nerves. I don't think I do, but it is possible. The bad side of being happy and content with oneself at least for me is I can take love or leave it and I am not willing to go through any drama to achieve it, love or "the one" that is. Well, That's 75% I really don't wanna know anyway... And? I guess there is a fine line between complacency and patience. I do not hear apathy in either of us, at all. Let's agree that patience is a really good thing and to exercise it like a muscle and birth rite! I'm going to stand on the faith that I've earned the wisdom to discern when a red flag IS a red flag! We'll know the big difference between that and merely an 'off' day! It's not like we need be trigger happy either way ... I trust my gut instinct so much more w/ each year passing! When we are this happy and content alone? Either that means all is in season for 'HIM' to gently manifest into our present (presence), or that we aren't REALLY even seeking someone in this season ... and we are just to 'BE' ... ... Letting go of all expectations ... |
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... Letting go of all expectations ... Now there is a word hard for me to gnaw on. It took me ages to get over that. Expecting this or that, must have's and must not's. I have found now that surprises are truly a gift and learning something new in someone is always refreshing. Some men have a knack of surprising me and that is a delightful treat. |
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... Letting go of all expectations ... Now there is a word hard for me to gnaw on. It took me ages to get over that. Expecting this or that, must have's and must not's. I have found now that surprises are truly a gift and learning something new in someone is always refreshing. Some men have a knack of surprising me and that is a delightful treat. Yes, stay in the moment and be open to the unexpected! Ya NEVER know! Yanno? ... I like you, Dempcey! You're really going to fit in these forums nicely... Stick around here, there are some truly wonderful people to get to know! ...Welcome!!! |
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Yes, stay in the moment and be open to the unexpected! Ya NEVER know! Yanno? ... I like you, Dempcey! You're really going to fit in these forums nicely... Stick around here, there are some truly wonderful people to get to know! ...Welcome!!! 20-4 Roger that. Likewise Hon! Looking forward to good times, advice, learning and growing with many good people! |
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someone who talks about their ex alot on their profile tells you one thing...thats pretty much all you'll hear about if you go on a date with them, no thanks
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some other red flags are people that don't read your profile.. and you can always tell within the first two messages they send you cause they ask simple things like what do you do, or something stupid like that by just reading your profile. they can't be seriously looking if they don't take 30 seconds to read a simple profile...am i right?
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I'm going to change my profile...
I'm going to emphasize how beautiful I am, talk smack about all my ex's and how they were a$$holes and caused the break up's because I am sooooo laid back and easy going that it could not have been me. I'm going to say how my kids are my world, and no man could ever take their place, and even if I could love you that much I'm just gonna change everything about you...turn you into a goat. I'm going to make sure I include that I am a "godfearin" woman. And I'm going to put up a new picture with me holding a bottle of Jim Beam, have a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, have a sink full of dirty dishes in the back ground and be sure to have massive cleavage showing. What do ya think Kate...that oughta get me some attention aye? |
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Edited by
CatsLoveMe
on
Tue 12/29/09 10:04 PM
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If there is one thing I have learned it's this: An individual gets him or herself into at least 70% of all their trials, drama and even severe trouble, the other 30% can be attributed to things out of our control. I also know full well that we are the rulers of our own emotions. I don't believe we can stop the emotions from hitting us like a mac truck, but once struck we can decide what to do with it from there. People say all the time "You can't help who you love". Oh? How can we stop ourselves from punching an idiot in the mouth that just angered us to a high degree? My point here is that too many start a relationship with the wrong person and they deny the fact for the heart wants what it wants at the moment. It is our jobs to tell our hearts to sit down, have a coke and a smile and shut the "bleep" up. It will get what it needs not what it wants. Should we choose to ignore red flags and proceed anyways then in the beginning we should have prepared ourselves for the disappointment surely to come and move on like a champ. No it's not that easy, it took me 30 years to figure this out and train myself, but it is an honor to see that my three children have gained the wisdom I wish I had had when I started off in this world. Going on the 50/50 altruistic culpability factor, you are now saying that the "victim" is at least 70% responsible for the fallout of a bad relationship? No, I'm sorry, I disagree. If the other person is a bihotch or an azzhole, we loved them once, and we hoped they would get their crap together and gave them the benefit of the doubt, but the onus is on them, not us. At worst we are 50% to blame for staying with them. |
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I'm going to change my profile... I'm going to emphasize how beautiful I am, talk smack about all my ex's and how they were a$$holes and caused the break up's because I am sooooo laid back and easy going that it could not have been me. I'm going to say how my kids are my world, and no man could ever take their place, and even if I could love you that much I'm just gonna change everything about you...turn you into a goat. I'm going to make sure I include that I am a "godfearin" woman. And I'm going to put up a new picture with me holding a bottle of Jim Beam, have a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, have a sink full of dirty dishes in the back ground and be sure to have massive cleavage showing. What do ya think Kate...that oughta get me some attention aye? ...  ... Ummm, yeah, that's right , Lori ... Ummmmmmmmmm ... PUT DOWN THE KEYBOARD ...  ... or the kitty gets the spritz bottle!  ... I'm thinkin' 2 threads just mind~melded ...  Dang, I'm sure glad I'm up w/ current events up in this here Hizzle ... 
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I'm going to change my profile... I'm going to emphasize how beautiful I am, talk smack about all my ex's and how they were a$$holes and caused the break up's because I am sooooo laid back and easy going that it could not have been me. I'm going to say how my kids are my world, and no man could ever take their place, and even if I could love you that much I'm just gonna change everything about you...turn you into a goat. I'm going to make sure I include that I am a "godfearin" woman. And I'm going to put up a new picture with me holding a bottle of Jim Beam, have a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, have a sink full of dirty dishes in the back ground and be sure to have massive cleavage showing. What do ya think Kate...that oughta get me some attention aye? ... ... Ummm, yeah, that's right , Lori ... Ummmmmmmmmm ... PUT DOWN THE KEYBOARD ... ... or the kitty gets the spritz bottle! ... I'm thinkin' 2 threads just mind~melded ... Dang, I'm sure glad I'm up w/ current events up in this here Hizzle ... I'm thinking more of a mind meld of about 4 threads.. 
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I'm going to change my profile... I'm going to emphasize how beautiful I am, talk smack about all my ex's and how they were a$$holes and caused the break up's because I am sooooo laid back and easy going that it could not have been me. I'm going to say how my kids are my world, and no man could ever take their place, and even if I could love you that much I'm just gonna change everything about you...turn you into a goat. I'm going to make sure I include that I am a "godfearin" woman. And I'm going to put up a new picture with me holding a bottle of Jim Beam, have a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, have a sink full of dirty dishes in the back ground and be sure to have massive cleavage showing. What do ya think Kate...that oughta get me some attention aye? ... ... Ummm, yeah, that's right , Lori ... Ummmmmmmmmm ... PUT DOWN THE KEYBOARD ... ... or the kitty gets the spritz bottle! ... I'm thinkin' 2 threads just mind~melded ... Dang, I'm sure glad I'm up w/ current events up in this here Hizzle ... I'm thinking more of a mind meld of about 4 threads.. Look up Tsar Bomba on Youtube, that will blow your mind. 
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someone who talks about their ex alot on their profile tells you one thing...thats pretty much all you'll hear about if you go on a date with them, no thanks So then it is safe to assume the same about those who start negative threads about the ex...and those who post negatively about the ex? I would think so... |
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My ex is dead, I don't even remember who she was, wait, what were we talking about?
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someone who talks about their ex alot on their profile tells you one thing...thats pretty much all you'll hear about if you go on a date with them, no thanks So then it is safe to assume the same about those who start negative threads about the ex...and those who post negatively about the ex? I would think so... And on the phone ... and in person ... and so on, blah times 3! Rebounds are not just trampolines! ... ON THE REBOUND ... If they're still endlessly talkin' 'bout the Ex??? ... No judgement, BUT they just aren't over it!!! I like what Dempcey said: "Talking about the Ex is not just a red flag ... it's a ticking time bomb!" ...  ... RUN!!!
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