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| Topic: Profile, Communication, and Dating Tips | |
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Before I begin, PLEASE NOTE: This is posted in the HUMOUR section......let's just try to keep that in perspective.
Over the last few years, I've collected quite a few humorous dating stories, as well as made other observations that I feel need to be shared. Please feel free to comment and add your own observations or tips as you feel appropriate. For men: 1) Please put on a shirt for your profile pics. Really. Any woman over 21 years old can pretty much guess what's under your shirt, and unless you're a professional bodybuilder, there's really no excuse for flexing your muscles in front of your bathroom mirror while taking your own picture with your phone. Come to think of it, even if you ARE a professional body builder, don't do that! 2) Women are not attracted to dead animals. Period. Although you may be very proud of that deer you killed, or that giant trout you caught, we really don't need to see it on a dating website. Do you really think you're going to meet that smart, sexy, intelligent, classy lady who also comes complete with her own hunting gear and knows how to field dress your latest kill? 3) Women do not need to see pictures of your truck, car, motorcycle, etc., unless you are in said vehicle at the time the photo was taken. Real women have their own cars, so we're not impressed. 4) While women are really proud of the fact that you were quite the stud in high school, a picture that was taken at least in the last year would be nice. If we ever meet, we're going to find out the truth anyway, so ditch the old "glory day" pics and be real. 5) Do not, I repeat DO NOT, send us pictures of your penis. Seriously. I really can't say it strongly enough. WOMEN DO NOT WANT TO SEE THIS. No woman in the history of time has ever found this sexy. NEVER. They may lie to you and tell you they like it, but in their mind, they're really grossed out. Leave some things for them to find out on their own, OK!! 6) Don't put things in your profile about looking for women who are sane, drama-free, no games, etc. By simply saying this, you're implying that most women do NOT meet these qualifications, and therefore pissing off the entire opposite sex. We've all had our fair share of bad relationships and dates, so no matter what your mommy told you, you're no more special than anyone else. 7) If you want to meet REAL women, you may want to re-write your profile to not talk about how you want a BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, HOT, etc. woman. These words invoke images of Halle Berry and Jessica Alba, and really, what woman out here can compete with them? Your idea of beauty may not be the same as theirs, so unless you're REALLY shallow and just looking for an empty-headed supermodel, you may want to reconsider the physical requirements in your profile. Also, are YOU Mr. Perfect? Didn't think so. For women: 1) Stop bragging about how independent you are, and how you don't need a man. What man in his right mind would want to go out with you, knowing that he's going to have to defend himself with every breath he takes? 2) OK, so you have kids. And they have a dad and don't need a new one. And you're really busy. ENOUGH. Do you want a date or not? If you're too busy to date, why are you on this site? 3) Cover up "the girls" for your profile pics. 'Nuff said. 4) Please refer to #4 for the guys, but replace "stud" with "hottie" or whatever other description you prefer. Yeah, you looked great in your cheerleader outfit with your Jersey mall hair. Can you fit into it now? (the outfit, not the hair) Didn't think so. 5) Don't put pictures of your young children on your dating website. There are some sick people out there, and you don't need to use your kids as bait. 6) Don't lie about your interests. Really. If you hate sports, don't say you love football just to try to attract a guy who's really into it. He'll figure it out, and then you'll be accused of being a lying, game-playing....well, you get the picture. If you say you like camping, don't get mad when he wants you to go to the mountains and sleep in a tent for the weekend. If you don't HAVE any interests other than watching TV and shopping, you really need to get a life, and dating may not be the best thing for you right now. For everyone: 1) Use complete sentences in your profile, and for God's sake, check your spelling! 2) Do not sound so negative in your profile. When you say things like "I never thought I'd be on an internet site" or "I hate doing this", what impression do you think you're giving? If internet dating is so bad, what does that say about the person you're trying to meet? Are we your last resort? Don't do us any favours! 3) If you're unemployed, admit it. Hey, times are tough and everyone SHOULD understand that. But making up crap like "I'm an enterpreneur" or "I'm just getting my business off the ground" are much too vague, and anyone with a brain is going to ask more questions about what you really do. If you spend all day playing PS3 and drinking Mountain Dew, admit it....they'll figure it out eventually! 4) Don't ask for or offer your phone number in the first e-mail, or even the second. And don't start out your e-mail with "Hey you, what's going on?" You don't know this person, so don't act like you've known them for years. 5) Take the time to actually READ the person's profile before you contact them. I can't stress this enough. And when you DO contact them, reference something in the profile, but don't bring up sex right away. Just because someone says they like "long slow kisses" doesn't mean they want you to demonstrate all the different places where kisses can be given. 6) If you're not going to show your face in your pictures, why are you posting them? No, really....WHY? If I meet you in a restaurant, am I supposed to look for the guy with the nice chest? And don't use the "for professional reasons, I'm not posting a photo" line. If you're too embarrassed to use a dating site, don't be on it at all. It's insulting to the rest of us. Is there something WRONG with using a dating site? 7) Do not discuss any of the following on a first date, or any time before the first date (some of these should NEVER be discussed...use your judgment): exes, sex, money, religion, politics, exes (yes, it's worth saying twice), your mental or physical illnesses, your lack of self-esteem, your kids who are in trouble with the law, your history of drug or alcohol abuse, how fat you think you are, how hot other people think you are, how many sexual partners you've had, how much you hate your job, how messy your divorce was (refer to exes), the size of ANY of your body parts, and pretty much anything to do with sex (yes, this needed to be said again, too). I wouldn't list these if they hadn't ALL happened at one point or another. 8) Put down the cigarette for the profile pic. And if you smoke 2 packs a day, don't say you smoke "occasionally". Honestly, don't you think a non-smoker can smell it? 9) If you want to try something different, like, say, bringing in a third person to the bedroom (yes, hopefully this is AFTER you've been dating a while), talk to the other person about it...don't just surprise them with it when they're expecting a nice, romantic evening and walk in to find a drunk naked woman in the bed they expected to share exclusively with you. Yes, this actually happened. 10) If you're not REALLY divorced yet, then don't say you are. You can always explain in your profile or in person later that you're legally separated, etc. But if you SAY you're divorced in your profile, but then say something about meeting with your lawyer, the custody fight, etc. later, you're just going to look like a liar. Which you are. OK, that's it for now....I'm sure that other Minglers can think of more, and may add to this. I'm ready for the onlslaught to come.....bring it on!  
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Your 100% right in what you posted,but it makes me wonder is it because we come from a different generation?....ok now I have my helmet on..and ducking.lol
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Before I begin, PLEASE NOTE: This is posted in the HUMOUR section......let's just try to keep that in perspective. Over the last few years, I've collected quite a few humorous dating stories, as well as made other observations that I feel need to be shared. Please feel free to comment and add your own observations or tips as you feel appropriate. For men: 1) Please put on a shirt for your profile pics. Really. Any woman over 21 years old can pretty much guess what's under your shirt, and unless you're a professional bodybuilder, there's really no excuse for flexing your muscles in front of your bathroom mirror while taking your own picture with your phone. Come to think of it, even if you ARE a professional body builder, don't do that! 2) Women are not attracted to dead animals. Period. Although you may be very proud of that deer you killed, or that giant trout you caught, we really don't need to see it on a dating website. Do you really think you're going to meet that smart, sexy, intelligent, classy lady who also comes complete with her own hunting gear and knows how to field dress your latest kill? 3) Women do not need to see pictures of your truck, car, motorcycle, etc., unless you are in said vehicle at the time the photo was taken. Real women have their own cars, so we're not impressed. 4) While women are really proud of the fact that you were quite the stud in high school, a picture that was taken at least in the last year would be nice. If we ever meet, we're going to find out the truth anyway, so ditch the old "glory day" pics and be real. 5) Do not, I repeat DO NOT, send us pictures of your penis. Seriously. I really can't say it strongly enough. WOMEN DO NOT WANT TO SEE THIS. No woman in the history of time has ever found this sexy. NEVER. They may lie to you and tell you they like it, but in their mind, they're really grossed out. Leave some things for them to find out on their own, OK!! 6) Don't put things in your profile about looking for women who are sane, drama-free, no games, etc. By simply saying this, you're implying that most women do NOT meet these qualifications, and therefore pissing off the entire opposite sex. We've all had our fair share of bad relationships and dates, so no matter what your mommy told you, you're no more special than anyone else. 7) If you want to meet REAL women, you may want to re-write your profile to not talk about how you want a BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, HOT, etc. woman. These words invoke images of Halle Berry and Jessica Alba, and really, what woman out here can compete with them? Your idea of beauty may not be the same as theirs, so unless you're REALLY shallow and just looking for an empty-headed supermodel, you may want to reconsider the physical requirements in your profile. Also, are YOU Mr. Perfect? Didn't think so. For women: 1) Stop bragging about how independent you are, and how you don't need a man. What man in his right mind would want to go out with you, knowing that he's going to have to defend himself with every breath he takes? 2) OK, so you have kids. And they have a dad and don't need a new one. And you're really busy. ENOUGH. Do you want a date or not? If you're too busy to date, why are you on this site? 3) Cover up "the girls" for your profile pics. 'Nuff said. 4) Please refer to #4 for the guys, but replace "stud" with "hottie" or whatever other description you prefer. Yeah, you looked great in your cheerleader outfit with your Jersey mall hair. Can you fit into it now? (the outfit, not the hair) Didn't think so. 5) Don't put pictures of your young children on your dating website. There are some sick people out there, and you don't need to use your kids as bait. 6) Don't lie about your interests. Really. If you hate sports, don't say you love football just to try to attract a guy who's really into it. He'll figure it out, and then you'll be accused of being a lying, game-playing....well, you get the picture. If you say you like camping, don't get mad when he wants you to go to the mountains and sleep in a tent for the weekend. If you don't HAVE any interests other than watching TV and shopping, you really need to get a life, and dating may not be the best thing for you right now. For everyone: 1) Use complete sentences in your profile, and for God's sake, check your spelling! 2) Do not sound so negative in your profile. When you say things like "I never thought I'd be on an internet site" or "I hate doing this", what impression do you think you're giving? If internet dating is so bad, what does that say about the person you're trying to meet? Are we your last resort? Don't do us any favours! 3) If you're unemployed, admit it. Hey, times are tough and everyone SHOULD understand that. But making up crap like "I'm an enterpreneur" or "I'm just getting my business off the ground" are much too vague, and anyone with a brain is going to ask more questions about what you really do. If you spend all day playing PS3 and drinking Mountain Dew, admit it....they'll figure it out eventually! 4) Don't ask for or offer your phone number in the first e-mail, or even the second. And don't start out your e-mail with "Hey you, what's going on?" You don't know this person, so don't act like you've known them for years. 5) Take the time to actually READ the person's profile before you contact them. I can't stress this enough. And when you DO contact them, reference something in the profile, but don't bring up sex right away. Just because someone says they like "long slow kisses" doesn't mean they want you to demonstrate all the different places where kisses can be given. 6) If you're not going to show your face in your pictures, why are you posting them? No, really....WHY? If I meet you in a restaurant, am I supposed to look for the guy with the nice chest? And don't use the "for professional reasons, I'm not posting a photo" line. If you're too embarrassed to use a dating site, don't be on it at all. It's insulting to the rest of us. Is there something WRONG with using a dating site? 7) Do not discuss any of the following on a first date, or any time before the first date (some of these should NEVER be discussed...use your judgment): exes, sex, money, religion, politics, exes (yes, it's worth saying twice), your mental or physical illnesses, your lack of self-esteem, your kids who are in trouble with the law, your history of drug or alcohol abuse, how fat you think you are, how hot other people think you are, how many sexual partners you've had, how much you hate your job, how messy your divorce was (refer to exes), the size of ANY of your body parts, and pretty much anything to do with sex (yes, this needed to be said again, too). I wouldn't list these if they hadn't ALL happened at one point or another. 8) Put down the cigarette for the profile pic. And if you smoke 2 packs a day, don't say you smoke "occasionally". Honestly, don't you think a non-smoker can smell it? 9) If you want to try something different, like, say, bringing in a third person to the bedroom (yes, hopefully this is AFTER you've been dating a while), talk to the other person about it...don't just surprise them with it when they're expecting a nice, romantic evening and walk in to find a drunk naked woman in the bed they expected to share exclusively with you. Yes, this actually happened. 10) If you're not REALLY divorced yet, then don't say you are. You can always explain in your profile or in person later that you're legally separated, etc. But if you SAY you're divorced in your profile, but then say something about meeting with your lawyer, the custody fight, etc. later, you're just going to look like a liar. Which you are. OK, that's it for now....I'm sure that other Minglers can think of more, and may add to this. I'm ready for the onlslaught to come.....bring it on!
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Before I begin, PLEASE NOTE: This is posted in the HUMOUR section......let's just try to keep that in perspective. Over the last few years, I've collected quite a few humorous dating stories, as well as made other observations that I feel need to be shared. Please feel free to comment and add your own observations or tips as you feel appropriate. For men: 1) Please put on a shirt for your profile pics. Really. Any woman over 21 years old can pretty much guess what's under your shirt, and unless you're a professional bodybuilder, there's really no excuse for flexing your muscles in front of your bathroom mirror while taking your own picture with your phone. Come to think of it, even if you ARE a professional body builder, don't do that! 2) Women are not attracted to dead animals. Period. Although you may be very proud of that deer you killed, or that giant trout you caught, we really don't need to see it on a dating website. Do you really think you're going to meet that smart, sexy, intelligent, classy lady who also comes complete with her own hunting gear and knows how to field dress your latest kill? 3) Women do not need to see pictures of your truck, car, motorcycle, etc., unless you are in said vehicle at the time the photo was taken. Real women have their own cars, so we're not impressed. 4) While women are really proud of the fact that you were quite the stud in high school, a picture that was taken at least in the last year would be nice. If we ever meet, we're going to find out the truth anyway, so ditch the old "glory day" pics and be real. 5) Do not, I repeat DO NOT, send us pictures of your penis. Seriously. I really can't say it strongly enough. WOMEN DO NOT WANT TO SEE THIS. No woman in the history of time has ever found this sexy. NEVER. They may lie to you and tell you they like it, but in their mind, they're really grossed out. Leave some things for them to find out on their own, OK!! 6) Don't put things in your profile about looking for women who are sane, drama-free, no games, etc. By simply saying this, you're implying that most women do NOT meet these qualifications, and therefore pissing off the entire opposite sex. We've all had our fair share of bad relationships and dates, so no matter what your mommy told you, you're no more special than anyone else. 7) If you want to meet REAL women, you may want to re-write your profile to not talk about how you want a BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, HOT, etc. woman. These words invoke images of Halle Berry and Jessica Alba, and really, what woman out here can compete with them? Your idea of beauty may not be the same as theirs, so unless you're REALLY shallow and just looking for an empty-headed supermodel, you may want to reconsider the physical requirements in your profile. Also, are YOU Mr. Perfect? Didn't think so. For women: 1) Stop bragging about how independent you are, and how you don't need a man. What man in his right mind would want to go out with you, knowing that he's going to have to defend himself with every breath he takes? 2) OK, so you have kids. And they have a dad and don't need a new one. And you're really busy. ENOUGH. Do you want a date or not? If you're too busy to date, why are you on this site? 3) Cover up "the girls" for your profile pics. 'Nuff said. 4) Please refer to #4 for the guys, but replace "stud" with "hottie" or whatever other description you prefer. Yeah, you looked great in your cheerleader outfit with your Jersey mall hair. Can you fit into it now? (the outfit, not the hair) Didn't think so. 5) Don't put pictures of your young children on your dating website. There are some sick people out there, and you don't need to use your kids as bait. 6) Don't lie about your interests. Really. If you hate sports, don't say you love football just to try to attract a guy who's really into it. He'll figure it out, and then you'll be accused of being a lying, game-playing....well, you get the picture. If you say you like camping, don't get mad when he wants you to go to the mountains and sleep in a tent for the weekend. If you don't HAVE any interests other than watching TV and shopping, you really need to get a life, and dating may not be the best thing for you right now. For everyone: 1) Use complete sentences in your profile, and for God's sake, check your spelling! 2) Do not sound so negative in your profile. When you say things like "I never thought I'd be on an internet site" or "I hate doing this", what impression do you think you're giving? If internet dating is so bad, what does that say about the person you're trying to meet? Are we your last resort? Don't do us any favours! 3) If you're unemployed, admit it. Hey, times are tough and everyone SHOULD understand that. But making up crap like "I'm an enterpreneur" or "I'm just getting my business off the ground" are much too vague, and anyone with a brain is going to ask more questions about what you really do. If you spend all day playing PS3 and drinking Mountain Dew, admit it....they'll figure it out eventually! 4) Don't ask for or offer your phone number in the first e-mail, or even the second. And don't start out your e-mail with "Hey you, what's going on?" You don't know this person, so don't act like you've known them for years. 5) Take the time to actually READ the person's profile before you contact them. I can't stress this enough. And when you DO contact them, reference something in the profile, but don't bring up sex right away. Just because someone says they like "long slow kisses" doesn't mean they want you to demonstrate all the different places where kisses can be given. 6) If you're not going to show your face in your pictures, why are you posting them? No, really....WHY? If I meet you in a restaurant, am I supposed to look for the guy with the nice chest? And don't use the "for professional reasons, I'm not posting a photo" line. If you're too embarrassed to use a dating site, don't be on it at all. It's insulting to the rest of us. Is there something WRONG with using a dating site? 7) Do not discuss any of the following on a first date, or any time before the first date (some of these should NEVER be discussed...use your judgment): exes, sex, money, religion, politics, exes (yes, it's worth saying twice), your mental or physical illnesses, your lack of self-esteem, your kids who are in trouble with the law, your history of drug or alcohol abuse, how fat you think you are, how hot other people think you are, how many sexual partners you've had, how much you hate your job, how messy your divorce was (refer to exes), the size of ANY of your body parts, and pretty much anything to do with sex (yes, this needed to be said again, too). I wouldn't list these if they hadn't ALL happened at one point or another. 8) Put down the cigarette for the profile pic. And if you smoke 2 packs a day, don't say you smoke "occasionally". Honestly, don't you think a non-smoker can smell it? 9) If you want to try something different, like, say, bringing in a third person to the bedroom (yes, hopefully this is AFTER you've been dating a while), talk to the other person about it...don't just surprise them with it when they're expecting a nice, romantic evening and walk in to find a drunk naked woman in the bed they expected to share exclusively with you. Yes, this actually happened. 10) If you're not REALLY divorced yet, then don't say you are. You can always explain in your profile or in person later that you're legally separated, etc. But if you SAY you're divorced in your profile, but then say something about meeting with your lawyer, the custody fight, etc. later, you're just going to look like a liar. Which you are. OK, that's it for now....I'm sure that other Minglers can think of more, and may add to this. I'm ready for the onlslaught to come.....bring it on!
I dunno...people should know these but.....au contraie'. |
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