> The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
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> I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I
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> have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw
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> in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
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>
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> When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.
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> So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get
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> over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in
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> pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like
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> that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.
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> If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're
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> welcome.
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> Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright,
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> very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the
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> class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
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> She holds up a snapshot of an infant.
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> 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his
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> birthday.'
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> 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their
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> love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in
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> there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
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> She's standing there with her hands on the pillow,
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> and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.
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> The kids are watching her in amazement.
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>
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> 'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying
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> and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and
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> groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'
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> (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
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> 'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies,
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> but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got
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> my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her
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> back against the wall.)
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> 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept
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> in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all
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> over the bed, like psshhheew!'
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> (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water
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> flowing away. It was too much!)
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>
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> 'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and
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> 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten.
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> Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky
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> stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center,
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> (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got
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> out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
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>
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> Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and
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> returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since
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> then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case
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> another 'Middle Wife' comes along.