One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation,
called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said,
"We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have
to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker,
but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was
the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem.
You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?"
Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."

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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically
and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane
who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".


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A woman construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.
So she spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him,
but he can't hear her. So she tries sign language.

She pointed to her eye meaning "I", pointed to her knee meaning "need",
then moved her hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the
ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop
and starts masturbating.

The woman worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off she runs down to the ground
floor and says, "What the **** is your problem!!! I said I needed a
hand saw!".

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

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One day at home a wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara,
you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks!
She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her
and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and the guy then says
"That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars
if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not?
So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him,
"You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says,
"Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

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Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying
any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun,
how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud
noise is gonna make them all fly off."

"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but
I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out
of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it,
and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh,
gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger,
but I like the way you're thinking!"