i just recently lost a 3 year relationship.for the 3 years i questioned her love.she was never very nururing in the dept of affection.anyway,over the 3 years time i put alot of money into the house we lived in which came to many thousands. when we first met,she met me in a bar one night .i had a bunch of money and was really spending it.she took to me immediately and the next day came to see me. it wasnt long and we was living togather.after so long in the relationship we fought alot because i felt deep in my heart that she really didnt love me and instead loved the money since i worked on the river as a first mate.i would be gone 28 days and then home 28 days.sometimes i felt like while i was gone she was taking money since we had a joint acc;t so she could pay the bills while i was gone.when i would ask her about descrepencies in the acc't she always said bills came do again,but i fealt that they couldnt have because i just paid them before i left to go to work for 28 days.things got so bad that i got into weed and other things,but the relationship to me was already aon a downward slide.she never had a problem with me using,she even helped me get what i wanted while i was gone on the boat.as long as the money was rolling in she didnt seem to care what i did. then one day,the work slowed drastically to the point i wasnt working.i had plenty of money however.we continued to fix the place up more until the money was tapped.then she said use was a problem ,but it never was until this point.well,i went to get help because i didnt want to use any more.she said we will still be togather. while i was in treatment we talked and everything would be the same .well,i called one day because she didnt make visiting day and another man answered the phone and said this **** had to end between me and her because she had been lying to us both.well i finally talked to her a couple days later and it was finally confirmed that they was a pair.ive been staying with family.since july 30th and there has been no contact from here. while i was asleep in bed today she showed up here at my families door and asked them if i was in california again because she had mail coming from california for me or from me. they said no hes in the bedroom asleep,hes been staying here. she told them she didnt want me to know that she was here.i think she didnt want to face me because of her guilt,but she did inquire about me.she wanted to know how i looked and things,etc,etc...she never really had any close ties with my family,for that matter neither do i,so she wasnt here for a casual visit im sure.i did love her at one point.can anyone give me any idea on what her purpose was to be here.a ladies opinion is very welcome.what is she doing and what is she thinking? why the sudden visit?i am confused.please help....what should i do?

maybe she needed more money

when you've been taken for a ride the best thing to do is get off the horse and figure out how to get home

First off you need to make paragraphs so that this can be an easier read. It was a real chore slogging through it.

Anyway, what difference does it make what she wanted? You are much better off without her in your life.

Now perhaps you can work on fixing your issues like "weed and other things..."

avoid her like the plague that she is!

yeah,that has crossed my mind .thanks.anyone else?

sorry im usually pretty good about writng. i was trying to hurry up with the post.and thanks bro!

You know stuff like this is never easy to filter through. Thing is it seems like you knew this was coming a long time ago. You are gone and you need to stay gone. Once she chose to be with another man that should be the end of your relationship. She can regret it all she wants, but with some other guy. You are an awesome dude for having put up with all that. If you went to treatment then you should realize the damage this girl can do to you if you get back. Go back to treatment if you need to, but don't go back to her. Good luck bro. You'll be in my prayers.

Drugs can really ruin a relationship Especially if the woman does them and you stop doing it

thanks brother,i appreciate that very much and thanks for the prayers.so far,the stuff isnt an option in my life now.

the longer you're away the better you'll be able to see

distance gives you vision

Do you own this house you put all this money into or does she?

yeah ive discovered a lot about the situation after being gone.we have been split up since july 1st and i have had a lot of enlightenment since then.thanks.

i hate to say it but she did.we was suppose to change that but it never happened .she wanted me to marry her first and i probablt would have.i know,i should have known better.

oh dang

Well, I know this is difficult for you, but based on what you said here, nothing good can come of you being anywhere near her. Cut your losses. Stay away...forget her. Focus on something else...and never, never flash money in a bar or anywhere else. Nothing good can come of that either. Good luck my friend. It's time you started looking out for yourself.

well, you can't do anything about what's behind you

you can only change what's before you

its hard because i really loved her,and maybe its because i have so much invested,but deep down i know your right. thank you so much for the strength in your words.

your right, thank you.

Lives short, Start living it.

Here is how I see it. I'm thinking she was simply looking to find out where you were. Maybe her current relationship went sour and she wanted you to fall back on. I mean you took her shat for 3 years and she took every advantage of you... she had no problems taking your money, had her space to do what she wanted for a month with your money while you were out working, helped you use instead of helping you to stop, wasn't affectionate and to top it off you spent thousands on a house that's her's...so heck yeah she's gonna come back looking for ya..I could be wrong but when you get back on your feet and things are looking up again for ya that's when you just might see her at your doorstep...my advice...be strong, don't answer the door, she had her chance and blew it...you deserve better.

and try not to overthink things with her...take it as a life lesson, don't give her the power to stress you out...you're better then that.

just relax..better theing are to come.