My soon to be ex wife and I are separated. I do have friends who has been divorced and all I hear that it becomes an ugly battle when two parties disagree. I only hear bad things about it and seen what it does. My sister pushes me to date someone after the divorce is final or in the process of going through a divorce but is it really right for me to do something like this? I would like to get an intake from those who has gone through this phase because my friends don't really give me much details about it. All they said that it destroyed and sadden them especially when children are involved.

Finish your unfinished business... and go from there....

Yes divorce can be a long and painful battle, now as to dating right after a divorce is all up to you on how you feel after what you have been through. Dating while the divorce is in process is also up to you, but you should look at it this way if you date while the divorce is in process do you really want to put your S/O in the middle of a divorce proceeding? I am sure the S/O would not want to be stuck in the middle. That is just my opinion. Good Luck to you.

Personally I had a hard divorce. Married in '87 we parted in '97. Four children and personally property. Seems the more you have the harder the breakup. Plus I was already in another relationship and expecting a child. When that relationship ended after seven years I just walked away and left her everything(we never married). Had to start over completely, but the second breakup was "easier".

I just wish I'm able to walk away from materialistic things but I'm stucked on paying them. My soon to be ex wife left me her car and since she doesn't want to pay for it anymore, I have to take over and the damn thing is in my name. The house is also another thing that I'm trying to give up. But one person who I don't ever want to give up is my daughter. How did you and your ex wife deal with the children involved?

I got custody of the two girls, she got the two boys (got a really sneeky lawyer on my side). I let her stay with all the kids and just gave her money. I was stuck with all the bills, but after several years I got out of the red and into the black. It does take alot of time to get out financially.

I didn't date while I was going through my divorce, won't date anyone going through theirs...really not fair to drag another into your mess.

I agree... I dated when I was going through my divorce but it was at the tail end and I was just waiting for the court date which came 5 days later... I won't date anyone that is "separated"... I think people need time to get through the loss, personal rediscovery, etc.

I've never been married, but I had a g/f for 5years and being together all the time, I would say it's almost kinda like a marriage but without the official papers.
On that, as Joy said, you have to rediscover yourself who you are again, because no matter what anyone says, it takes time and you won't be the same person you were before and it's gonna take time to for the healing process. If you go out and just find someone real quick, because you feel the sudden loss, most likely just gonna make it more painful and you could also cause pain unintentionally to others by doing that, because it has little do to with love, but more to do with being aimless.

(((Frank))) exactly... You worded it wonderfully...

Thanks everyone. My wife wanted a divorce and I didn't, but after analyzing everything she seem to be more happy without the marriage. I stay with the marriage because of the law that God has created and I fear Him, greatly! Most of my relatives tell me that the reason why it failed is because I didn't get married in a Catholic church where they got some strict guidelines (Not to offend anyone who is Catholic). I've did everything in my power to make and repair the marriage but it seems as though she finally made up her mind. I don't want to divorce but if its the best interest for the both of us then I have to do it, just for her to be happy.

Religion has nothing to do with a person and what they will do.. Obviously she isn't a strict catholic so wheter or not you were married in a catholic church would not have a bearing on the marriage working...

I just went out with someone getting ready to go through a divorce. Will have to see what happens.

Man, you're cool. It's great to see a fellow man who has the same level of social consciousnesslessness as mine.

To most people this moral dilemma would not even emerge -- they would simply feel it innately what's wright or wrong or what's bearable and what not. But to see your mechanistical, emotionless, completely removed moral code is refreshing. For me, at least. I am the same way. I have to ask people after uttering a joke if it was socially acceptable, and when I ask, it's always socially unacceptable.

But you're trying, you're putting out feelers to see if you're doing the right thing. This is progress, this wishing to improve yourself and assume a moral stance that resembles more of that of a human and less of that of a Komodo dragon. I am the same way, I got terribly depressed when at highschool a girl was eyeing me, and I sat there with my feet up on the cafeteria table and under my cowboy hat, and eventually I mosied over and said to her "I'll give you fifty." She was mortally disrespected, she felt, and I could not understand what the fuss was about. That week-end her brothers tried to beat me up. The poor chaps, they must have walked into an iron bar, a moving one, because they showed up next day with bruises on their faces to school the next day.

Anyhow. Your questions are innocent, whether you ask if it's okay to use another man's hanky when you are sneezing, if the other man is in an open casket, ("why not? He's not very going to be likely to use it himself") or if it's okay to crack your hard-boiled egg on the hostess's decolletage ("hey, they looked hard, and I did not want to mess up the tablecloth, okay?")

So I shake your hand in honest declaration of my brotherly admiration for your innocent, decent, and complete lack of decency.

Good luck to you...

God laughs when he hears us make plans! Good luck...every separation and divorce and property settlement is different (I found that out when I wrote a book about them)!

Run away! Run Away!

I just got divorced in may and we had separated the may the year before. I started dating immediately after, but thats because i had moved on and called for the divorce. I had ended my marriage in my head long before it was actually over. I was even engaged in november to another man prior to my divorce. However, thats me. You have to do what is right for you. If your still hurting and grieving then your probably not ready to move on. And your next potental partner will be grateful if you are emotionally willing to be in another serious commited relationship. If not then your only wasting yours and their time. And speak up for yourself. Tell your sister and your friends that you respect their opinions but you see things differently. Not all divorce is bad. Its only bad if you let it be. Trying to be sneaky and trying to trick people to get your way in divorce is what makes it bad. As long as you and your ex are civil and agree on the terms, the process should run smooth. Just remember your divorce is not your friends divorce. And tell your sister to stay out of your love life.