The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxyJLxV0_-8&feature=PlayList&p=BACAADA8FD59A5F6&index=25
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from ?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong ?

Father mckenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near.
Look at him working. darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Eleanor rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father mckenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Scientific views:
Using data from more than 8,000 people in twin studies and sibling studies, in collaboration with the Netherlands Twin Register, John Cacioppo and colleagues found strong evidence that genetics accounts for about half of the differences in loneliness among people in the study. The researchers, whose study appears in Behavior Genetics, said it showed helping lonely people was not simply a matter of changing their environment. Loneliness has been linked to heart disease as well as emotional problems, such as anxiety, self-esteem problems and sociability. The researchers suggest that loneliness may stem from prehistoric times, where hunter-gatherers may have deliberately shut themselves away from others so they did not have to share food. That would have meant they were better nourished and therefore better able to survive and have children. But they added that the strategy had a downside, in that it also developed dispositions towards anxiety, hostility, negativity and social avoidance.

Distinction from solitude:
Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Many people have times when they are alone through circumstances or choice. Being alone can be experienced as positive, pleasurable, and emotionally refreshing if it is under the individual's control. Solitude is the state of being alone and secluded from other people, and often implies having made a conscious choice to be alone. Loneliness is therefore unwanted solitude. Loneliness does not require aloneness and is often experienced even in crowded places. It can be described as the absence of identification, understanding or compassion.

In their growth as individuals, humans start a separation process at birth, which continues with growing independence towards adulthood. As such, feeling alone can be a healthy emotion and, indeed, choosing to be alone for a period of solitude can be enriching[citation needed]. To experience loneliness, however, can be to feel overwhelmed by an unbearable feeling of separateness at a profound level. This can manifest in feelings of abandonment, rejection, depression, insecurity, anxiety, hopelessness, unworthiness, meaninglessness, and resentment. If these feelings are prolonged they may become debilitating and prevent the affected individual from developing healthy relationships and lifestyles.

If the individual is convinced he or she is unlovable, this will increase the experience of suffering and the likelihood of avoiding social contact. Low self-esteem will often trigger the social disconnection which can lead to loneliness.In some people, temporary or prolonged loneliness can lead to notable artistic and creative expression, for example, as was the case with Emily Dickinson. This is not to imply that loneliness itself ensures this creativity; rather, it may have an influence on the subject matter of the artist.

Common causes:
People can experience loneliness for many reasons, and many life events are associated with it. The lack of friendship relations during childhood and adolescence, or the physical absence of meaningful people around a person are causes for loneliness, depression, and involuntary celibacy. At the same time loneliness may be a symptom of another social or psychological problem, such as chronic depression.Many people experience loneliness for the first time when they are left alone as an infant. It is also a very common though normally temporary consequence of divorce or the breakup or loss of any important long-term relationship. In these cases, it may stem both from the loss of a specific person and from the withdrawal from social circles caused by the event or the associated sadness.

Loss of a significant person in one's life will typically initiate a grief response; here, one might feel lonely, even in the company of others. Loneliness may also occur after the birth of a child, after marriage or any socially disruptive event, such as moving from one's home town to a university campus. Loneliness can occur within marriages or similar close relationships where there is anger, resentment, or where the feeling of love cannot be given or received. It may represent a dysfunction of communication. Learning to cope with changes in life patterns is essential in overcoming loneliness.Situational / circumstantial - loss of a relationship, move to a new city.Developmental - a need for intimacy balanced by a need for individualism internal - often including feelings of low self-esteem and vulnerability It can occur even as a combination of more than one category.

Common symptoms:
Loneliness can evoke feelings that 'everyone else' has friends, and that one is socially inadequate and socially unskilled. A lonely person may become convinced there is something wrong with him or her, and that no one understands his or her situation. Such a person will lose confidence and will become reluctant to attempt to change or too scared to try new things for fear of further social rejection. In extreme cases, a person may feel a sense of emptiness, which may become a state of clinical depression.

In modern society:
Loneliness frequently occurs in heavily populated cities; in these cities many people feel utterly alone and cut off, even when surrounded by millions of other people. They experience a loss of identifiable community in an anonymous crowd. It is unclear whether loneliness is a condition aggravated by high population density itself, or simply part of the human condition brought on by this social setting. Certainly, loneliness occurs even in societies with much smaller populations, but the sheer number of random people that one comes into contact with daily in a city, even if only briefly, may raise barriers to actually interacting more deeply with them and increase the feeling of being cut off and alone. Quantity of contact does not translate into quality of contact.

Loneliness appears to have become particularly prevalent in modern times. At the beginning of the last century families were typically larger and more stable, divorce was rarer, and relatively few people lived alone. In the United States, only 5% of households were single-person households in 1900; by 1998 it was over a quarter. 24 million Americans lived alone in 1995; by 2010, it is estimated that number will have increased to around 31 million.A 2006 study in the American Sociological Review found that Americans on average had only two close friends to confide in, down from an average of three in 1985. The percentage of people who noted having no such confidant rose from 10 percent to almost 25 percent; and 19 additional percent said they had only a single confidant (often their spouse), raising the risk of serious loneliness if the relationship ended.

As human condition:
The existentialist school of thought views loneliness as the essence of being human. Each human being comes into the world alone, travels through life as a separate person, and ultimately dies alone. Coping with this, accepting it, and learning how to direct our own lives with some degree of grace and satisfaction is the human condition.Some philosophers, such as Sartre, believe in an epistemic loneliness in which loneliness is a fundamental part of the human condition because of the paradox between the desire of man's consciousness to have meaning met with the isolation and nothingness of the universe. However, other existentialist thinkers argue the opposite. Human beings might be said to actively "engage" each other and the universe as they communicate and create, and loneliness is merely the feeling of being cut off from this process.

Effects:
Chronic loneliness (as opposed to the normal loneliness everyone feels from time to time), is a serious, life-threatening condition. At least one study has empirically correlated it with an increased risk of cancer, especially for those who hide their loneliness from the outside world.It is associated with increased risk of stroke and cardiovascular disease.People who are socially isolated also report poor sleep quality and thus have diminished restorative processes. Loneliness is also linked with depression, a risk factor for suicide.Émile Durkheim also described loneliness, specifically the inability or unwillingness to live for others (i.e. for friendships or altruistic ideas), as the main reason for what he called "egoistic" suicide.

Loneliness can play a part in alcoholism. In children, a lack of social connections is directly linked to several forms of antisocial and self-destructive behavior, most notably hostile and delinquent behavior. In both children and adults, loneliness often has a negative impact on learning and memory. Its effect on sleep patterns, as well as the above-mentioned other effects can have a devastating effect on the ability to function in everyday life.Some other effects may not be symptomatic for years. In 2005, results from the U.S. Framingham Heart Study demonstrated that lonely men had raised levels of IL-6, a blood chemical linked to heart disease. A 2006 study conducted by the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago found loneliness can add 30 points to a blood pressure reading for adults over the age of 50. Another finding, from a survey conducted by John Cacioppo, a psychologist at the University of Chicago, is that doctors say they provide better medical care to patients who have a strong network of family and friends than they do to patients who are alone.

Cacioppo's 2008 book, Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, outlines five distinct pathways through which social isolation contributes to increased illness and early death. He also offers an evolutionary rationale for why the subjective sense of social isolation—loneliness—is so profoundly disruptive to human physiology that it impairs cognition and willpower, alters DNA transcription in immune cells, and leads over time to high blood pressure.Enforced loneliness (solitary confinement) has been a punishment method throughout history.

Treatments and prevention:
There are many different ways used to treat loneliness, social isolation or clinical depression. The first step that most doctors recommend to patients is therapy. Therapy is a common and effective way of treating loneliness and is often successful. Short term therapy, the most common form for lonely or depressed patients, typically occurs over a period of 10 to 20 weeks. During therapy, emphasis is put on understanding the cause of the problem; reversing the negative thoughts, feelings, and attitudes resulting from the problem; and exploring ways to help the patient feel connected. Some doctors also recommend group therapy as a means to connect with other sufferers and establish a support system.Doctors also frequently prescribe anti-depressants to patients as a stand-alone treatment or in conjunction with therapy. It usually takes a few tries before a patient finds the correct anti-depressant medication. Some patients may also develop a resistance to a certain type of medication and need to switch periodically.

Alternative approaches to treating depression are suggested by many doctors. These treatments may include exercise, dieting, hypnosis, electro-shock therapy, acupuncture, herbs, and many others. Many patients find that participating in these activities fully or partially alleviate symptoms related to depression. Another treatment for both loneliness and depression is pet therapy, or animal-assisted therapy, as it is more formally known. Some studies and surveys, as well as anecdotal evidence provided by volunteer and community organizations, indicate that the presence of animal companions—dogs, cats, and even rabbits or guinea pigs—can ease feelings of depression and loneliness among some sufferers. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are a number of health benefits associated with pet ownership. In addition to easing feelings of loneliness (because of the increased opportunities for socializing with other pet owners, beyond the companionship the animal provides), having a pet is associated with lowered blood pressure and decreased levels of cholesterol and triglycerides.

Nostalgia has also been found to have a restorative effect, counteracting loneliness by increasing perceived social support.A 1989 study found that the social aspect of religion was had a significant negative relationship to loneliness among elderly people; the effect was more consistent than the effect of social relationships with family and friends, and the subjective concept of religiosity had no significant effect on loneliness.

Please feel free to add your thoughts & comments on this subject.It is a topic that I've wanted to address within the community for quite some time now.Understandably it is a topic that many will not want to discuss and I respect their decision.However I have always felt that it is greatly beneficial for people to share their experiences with one another because there is a great deal of knowledge to be gained.And from this knowledge there lies wisdom,hope,closure,strength & much more.Godspeed!Cy

I love that song...((Cy))

Awwww!{{{Val}}} Well look who showed up.I miss U bearifically sweetheart.Ditto!It is deeply saddening yet so beautiful & deeply thought provoking.It lies within my top 5 ever from them.I hope that many will share their thoughts hun.I hope all is well w/U.I'm so happy to see U.Woo-Hoo! Hey! Hockey starts soon hey? Yay! Much Luv & Godspeed! Cy

That song is my 15 year old son's favorite Beatle song..out of ALL of them. I often wondered why....hummmm

Great song!! Thanx for reminding me of it, (((Cy)))!!

Well it's just one of the Beatles masterpieces for sure.Indeed it is saddening yet equally beautiful & deeply thought provoking.The most important element here is what is his perception of the song.Is it positive or negative? I'm hoping the later then.The ultimate choice lies deep within every one of us as to what course of action that we will take.Acceptance or Riddance.I shall leave U then with an equally beautiful masterpiece by Oasis"MasterPlan".Much Luv & Godspeed!Cy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMazI2ROJXM

He is incredibly empathetic...and able to feel others pain, much like his mother. I feel it is a reminder for him to stay kind in a cynical world...

G'morn.sweetie{{{}}} Yep! it's 1 of their greatest songs ever unquestionably.I'm glad U enjoyed it.Red Sox=pack of Losers!lmao;)Let's talk Boston Bruins lol;)I hope all is well hun.I'm hoping that this thread will bloom into something very positive & uplifting as the readers share some of their insight & strength which in turn will provide hope for others.tty/soon.Much Luv & Godspeed!Cy

I am more than willing to comfort the nude woman in the chair

How did I know that U would say that?

Definitely a Great Beatles song

Thank you for sharing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Dsz4dB6DuM

Thx! sweetheart for reading & posting.Yes! indeed a masterpiece that has become immortal.I hope U liked the pic.'s & info. that I chose for the thread.I would really love to see more input from our fellow minglers which would provide more substance to this serious topic.Certainly more informative & beneficial then the same ole same redundant threads that this site is notorious for. tty/soon.Much Luv & Godspeed!Cy

Yes I really did enjoy the pictures

What? seriously

Great post Cy. Lots of great information.

My personal take on it, though, is I wonder if some of "us"
stay in "aloneness" or "loneliness" out of the way we were
treated when we grew up. Some of us didn't grow up in the
greatest of families and didn't have what the other kids had,
etc. We didn't measure up to "their standards" and were treated
as outcasts, and maybe it was easier or maybe more comfortable to
stay in "aloneness" than to deal with the daily abuse our peers leveled at us. Then, if we were dealt abuse at home on top of it, "aloneness" may have become our sanctuary.

Some of us went on to marry incredibly terrible partners who made
our lives even more hellish and threw us into a deeper sense of
"aloneness" or "loneliness."

I guess this is a long way of saying that I think for some of us,
at least me, "aloneness" or "loneliness" has been my survival mode, has given me the ability (strength) to survive incredible hardships in my life and "allowed" me to find the strength to keep moving
forward and go on in my life and not give up.

Sorry for rambling, but this is my personal take on "loneliness." Take care.

Ummm! no U see this thread is merely a figment of your imagination specifically designed to amuse U & leave bubbling over with laughter.

G'morn.{{{Marie}}}I thank U very kindly for reading & posting your feelings & thoughts.Perhaps this thread has hope.lol;)I completely understand what U are saying for we have both shared much of our past w/ each other via e-mail.A great deal of what U have mentioned is applicable from my childhood.Then likewise also as U mentioned these feelings of "aloneness"were compounded later by an ill-fated marriage.I've read somewhere while attending college that one will actually seek a partner later on who possesses the same attributes of those who raised U(for lack of a better term).;( Mercifully however I did have my Grandfather & friends to fall back upon which was my saving grace.If not for them Marie my outcome later on would have been more severe.I am very happy that this "aloneness"scenario worked out to your benefit yet I still feel an ebb & flow of pain & sorrow lying beneath.My greatest adversary that lies entrenched within me now is Fear.My hope then is that I will be able to shed that completely from my life.Haunting memories my dear can also be quite crippling & extremely difficult to shake.I hope that U are now peaceful & content.Oh! btw please do not apologize for U are not rambling at all in fact quite the opposite.Your feedback is the exact compliment for this thread & is exactly what my intentions were to begin with.Your strength & perseverance is admirable dear and U will always be held in my highest regards.Much Luv & Godspeed! Steven.p.s.I hope U were able to read that book that I suggested.{{{{}}}}

From another angle -- I grew up in a situation where I was never treated as a child at all -- I was always a "little adult." Basically raised myself and a brother without realizing there was any other way to do things until I got quite a bit older.

I sometimes felt alone -- isolated due to intelligence, due to the odd family situation -- but it never became a refuge until I got into junior high and high school. It was strange, because I was active in sports and music, and wound up with lots of friends, but felt less and less able to really communicate with anyone.



In retrospect, I think this is what damaged me more than anything else. Not just the marriage, but the dozens of other truly horrible relationships I got myself into -- there was a point when it just seemed senseless to even try anymore.



I like the way you phrased this. It makes sense. And I really do see myself in that same boat.

I'm lonely. And that's an interesting article, Cy.