THUD!!! Krupa not drinking????

Hey man I am very sorry for the loss of Anne Molly. You have a big heart man. Hold on to that. Whatever it takes hold on to that. What you did was something that has given you the opportunity to look at staying clean. Thats why you are even reading the words from this thread. Have you heard something about staying clean or have you heard something from someone that might help you stay clean from this thread? Sometimes I get up and I have to leave a meeting wondering if there was something I needed to hear that I missed. If anything we need to have seeds spread through our recovery to help us along. Sometimes we have to pull positive out of a very hard sad and difficult situation.

I have to tell you. Its funny how our Higher power works. I haven't been on Mingle for quite sometime (3 mo. maybe). There are at least 3 people in this thread that were part of helping encouraging me (they know who they are and thank you 3 sooo much) when I was struggling going through very difficult times. I get on here and I was told about your thread. I had to say something. I want to tell you something that is a little about what I went through but I have a point to it. May 20th of 05' is my clean date. My wife had left me because of my using on May 15th. I was told if I stayed clean she would come back. I did and she came back, to our home we own, in Aug. of 05'. I then had a daughter my first/only (except for 2 stepkids at the time) child exactly on my 18 months clean date to the day in 06'. Everything seemingly was good. Until Jan 1 at 9am when my wife floored me with asking me to leave our home. Everything I went through my clean time intact and still was doing it. I was doing well(staying clean). I was heart broken. I thought we would grow old together. I cried to myself and outloud in NA meetings for months. I prayed I searched for answers. On the 6th of Jan I temporarily moved out. I didn't want her to feel pressured. She said "she had to figure things out" So I thought it was temporary til we would go through counseling. The 9th she told me she had feelings for someone else. I lost 35lbs in no time. I had a knot in my stomach for 2 months. I had known her for 23 years. married for 13. It was so painful and it hurt physically. I thought I would feel like that the rest of my life but the pain got better and it went away. I needed to feel that. It humbled me and gave me some heart toady.
In May 08'my Dad had open heart surgery. Then I got a phone call from her on the 15th of may in 08' and she said she and he were fired because of the affair and she can't pay the mortgage. She wanted him to move into my house to help pay for the mortgage with his severence package, w/ my daughter my 2 stepkids my dogs cat cut my grass with my John Deere tractor park in my spot in garage and work on my house to get it to sell. he would never be there when I would come by. I guess he thought i would hurt him ...really really bad. I prayed hard. It was like I stepped out of my life and someone else stepped in. Im still clean. We were preparing divorce papers to be done as quick as possible,after May. I said we are selling the house. She didn't like that...too bad. My first house. It sold on sept 1st of 08' luckly with the economy. Sept 21st 08'I quit smoking cigarettes(still sucessfully). On Sept 25th 08' I lost my 13 year job. Still I have not found another job. Divorce will be a year final this month. Today strangly enough is 1 year off cigs.

My point to all of this is this man. (I know this was long and im sorry.) We grow from what we experience. We learn from it. We understand that we can deal with our feeling without getting high or drunk. That builds our charachter! We can pull a lot of positive actions from such negative situations in our life. We ask for help! We learn to trust others. We find that people really do care about us in NA or AA. We care because we have empathy for what you went through. We can relate. "WE" Its a "WE" program. We earn our seats in the rooms of NA or AA. We are supposed to share or experience strength and hope. The big thing is man no matter what WE DON"T HAVE TO USE FOR NOTHING OR NOBODY!!THERE IS NO GOOd REASON TO USE!! Wherever you are in your program whatever your doing for your recovery make sure you go to meeting. It is your lifeline your cleantime. Talk to your sponsor and work some steps the best you can. Also when you go into a meeting share how you feel the best you can. There is so much recovery can give us. It is sometimes difficult to walk through it. Its OK thats what we do. hey its "Just for today". "One day at a time." Im not sure where you are now but try to get to a meeting and share.

If you sit in a gargage your not going to turn into a car.
When you go to a meeting doesn't mean you will turn into an awesome recovering guru. We have to work some steps to get there.

You are valued man ...remember that. Don't give up 5 min before the miracle happens. Your in my Prayers.

Oh and Im still clean and will have 5 years in May.

Dave H.
Indianpolis, IN.