Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??
Husband: I was just looking for the expiration date.

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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

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Wife: You always carry my photo in your briefcase to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'

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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor.'

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The Silent Fart

An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through, she leaned over and whispered To her husband, 'I just let out a long silent fart. What Do you think I should do?'
He replied, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'