Saying that they “weren’t taking any chances,” Republican National Committee chairman, Michael Steele requested the Federal Bureau of Investigation to place Patrick Noony, a Bakersfeild, CA supervisor, in the witness protection program at an undisclosed location until late 2012.

“The scandals are killing us,” admitted Steele. “Sex, drugs, promiscuity or just plain foot in mouth disease. You’d think we’re Democrats. We’ve got to do everything possible to make sure we have someone who can run without dropping drawers and sticking his foot in his mouth. Then again, if we could get a guy who could actually get his foot into his mouth he wouldn’t be getting into real trouble.”

Republicans and conservatives like Mark Sanford, John Ensign, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, David Vitter, Bobby Jindel, George Allen have been faced with a string of embarrassing incidents leading to a scarcity of plausible nominees.”



“Come the next presidential election Patrick just might be the only credible Republican candidate left,” admitted Steele. “We’re desperate to keep him pristine until the primary is over.”

Steele told reporters that the conservative think-tank, Heritage Foundation, has provided a myriad of ideas to keep governors, senators and assorted Republican candidates from “going to the dark side.”

“Salt peter, chastity belts, pornos with a really ugly cast,” said Steele. “Nothing seemed to do the job. Short of castration, if the FBI won’t protect Patrick, we’ll be forced to turn to an offer from the Jain Monks of India who have taken vows of silence, truth, non-possession and celibacy. Most important, they said they’ll have Patrick back in time to keep gay marriage from ruining the very fabric of American marriage.”

“Of course the Republicans could just change parties,” added John Edwards.

http://steveyoungonpolitics.com/last-unscathed-republican-politician-to-be-placed-under-protected-custody/

You know I dont think it would be such a big deal with the republicans if they didnt pride themselves on family values, good christian bible thumping beliefs and so on. They put themselves on that pedestal and knock the Dems for being immoral and such forth. With that being said I find that most religious people are hypocrites anyways, so this isnt no shock.

Oh I agree totaly I realy dont care how someone butters their bread but lets practise what we preach. Its so funny that the religiouse right backs these republicans over the prolife/pro choice issue and at every turn the republicans make a mockary of their morality.

I couldnt believe that I heard Bill O riley call the late abortion doctor "Tiller the Baby Killer" and say such hoarded things about the man and act like his words had no responsibility when he got shot. I find it funny how the call themselves "christians" and yet they are the frist ones to cast a stone at everyone else. They blow up abortion clinics in the name of "God" and Muslims blow themselves up in the name of "Allah" tell me whats the difference between the two? How far are they willing to go? As an outsider looking in (born in the UK) Its sad to see all this hate coming from the religious right..that is why I find religion to be so cult minded. If this is what religion is all about, I rather stay a Agnostic.

Great post!

I agree

you do realize that there are websites for pro-life athiests and agnostics too right?

if someone has a different set of moral values...that is their choice. if they are proven to be hypocrites...they did that to themselves.
there are many ideologies that share these family values....just as many ideologies don't