I have a friend who I have recently learned is going through a very tough time in her life and is struggling with it and now depression is compounding the problem. I really want to help her and be there for her, but she ignores my phone calls and our IM conversations are consistently interrupted. It is frustrating because I know how she is feeling and I believe I could be a strong source of support, but a lack of communication makes it next to impossible to do anything to help her. What can I do?

Shoot her an email with positive messages. Tell her you will be there for her if she needs a sounding board. Reasure her that life is worth living and that you miss her.

three choices, base - continue doing what your doing, perhaps she'll respond and open up to you, but doesn't look like she will. Aggressive - go knock on her door and talk to her in person. Strong possibility she'll let you in and talk, but there's a real risk of crossing some lines there. Conservative - write a well thought out letter, mail it to her, one that explains what she should do, what you will do based on the different scenarios..this is the option I would recommend, soft approach but effective.

Roko

You have to be careful with people that are in depression. Don't go aggressive-like with them, because you will be out the door. You have to be passive and gain their trust and then figure out how you can help them to solve their own problem.

until she wants help...all you can do is be there for her when she needs it. I know it's hard. I watched my ex fiance go through it and I felt helpless

I agree with the softer supportive approach, too aggressive and she will likely back off and shutdown. I would also try to talk her into a doctor visit to see if there is something medically going on. Sometimes depression is medically based/chemical imbalance, and can be treated with meds. Many people don't want to take the meds, so can be a touchy subject, but they make an incredible difference for lots of people. Sometimes just talking to a doctor and discussing her issues can help her too, I have seen this happen. Could be a thyroid problem, some other hormone imbalance causing this problem that is fixable with a medication that is not an antidepressant. Counseling helps too, but many people also fight that idea.

Good luck, you are obviously a good friend to her, hopefully she will come around. I have been trying to do the same thing with a friend of mine, it is like walking on eggshells, have to be careful about what I say. I have tried to get her to go to another doctor for a 2nd opinion, am concerned her doctor is not treating her "appropriately" and she is strung out on extremely heavy pain killers (has a legitimate need) but she loves her doctor and if I mention another doctor - she backs off, so understand where you are at. I worry he is going to kill her though with these pain killers and lack of any improvement in her care and her severe depression. Makes you feel totally helpless.

Well, I got depressed for a while last year. what helped:

Talking with my brother and sister. They were very rational, and gently pointed out where my thinking was not realistic, but bleaker than it needed to be.
My ex called me every night (we are friends) and he would just ask how I was, and leave it up to me how long we talked.
So, I'm thinking, just keep showing them you are there for them, whether they seem to respond or not. Activity is the cure for depression, so encourage that if you can.

Had a few sessions with a therapist, who taught me a technique for rearanging my negative thoughts a bit, on my own.

What didn't help...medication. I tried it, and maybe there are better pills out there, but these were a disaster. You have to be careful about all medications, some of them have such severe side effects that cancel out any benefit that might be there.

Happily, I am no longer depressed. Some situations improved in my life (for example, I found out I do not have breast cancer after all.)

The pain killer situation sounds scary. Don't know what to suggest about that.

Also, there are websites where people who are depressed can support each other and swap stories, maybe your friend could go on one of those. I would say that it helped me, although, sometimes hearing how tough other people have it was, well, depressing.

And the biggest thing that helped? I found out I was extremely low in iron. Since I started taking iron pills, I haven't been depressed. So, yeah, your friend should get checked for underlying medical conditions.

what not to say: it could be worse, you'll get through this, i'm there for you, or any other lame-*** cliche. i've known many people who've been depressed an i've been there myself. the best solution is just treat them normally and allow them to get some things off their chest in normal converstion. don't press for it and also don't allow them to spend tons of time bitching and moaning about it. there's a difference between being supportive and encouraging them to wallow in the sorrow.

dosent matter what you do, just that you keep doing it