Saw this once a long time ago and finally thought to go looking for it today. Enjoy!

Taoism: **** happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "**** happens."
Buddhism: If **** happens, it isn't really ****.
Zen Buddhism: **** is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of **** happening?
Hinduism: This **** has happened before.
Islam: If **** happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If **** happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If **** happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If **** happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let **** happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This **** was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if **** happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if **** happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: **** that happens to one person is just as good as **** that happens to another.
Unitarian: **** that happens to one person is just as bad as **** that happens to another.
Lutheran: If **** happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If **** happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If **** happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: **** must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this **** always happen to us?
Calvinism: **** happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No **** shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all ****.
Secular Humanism: **** evolves.
Christian Science: When **** happens, don't call a doctor -pray.
Christian Science #2: **** happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this ****.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this ****.
Utopianism: This **** does not stink.
Darwinism: This **** was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY ****.
Communism: It's everybody's ****.
Feminism: Men are ****.
Chauvanism: We may be ****, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this ****.
Impressionism: From a distance, **** looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this ****.
Existentialism: **** doesn't happen; **** IS.
Existentialism #2: What is ****, anyway?
Stoicism: This **** is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good **** happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this ****.
Mormonism #2: This **** is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let **** happen.
Scientology: If **** happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< **** happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our ****?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: **** has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy **** happens.
Hare Krishna: **** happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this ****!
Zoroastrianism: **** happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB ****s.
Practical: Deal with **** one day at a time.
Agnostic: **** might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone ****?
Agnostic #3: What is this ****?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What ****?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this ****!
Nihilism: No ****.