A hand rail? Oh, my.

or a baseball bat. there's the initial pain...it makes you go "woah!" but passes quickly. wait about 15 seconds and then comes the PAIN pain. all of a sudden it feels like your scrotum is a clowncar and there are at least 32 creepy clowns with big shoes and unicycles inside trying to get out. it's brutal. while that's still going on you get the sensation of the clowns squeezing out one at a time and traveling up into the lower abdomen. 30 minutes later, all the clowns have migrated north to liver level or so and it feels like puking would help...but it won't. the next day it still feels like one testicle is housing an angry family of porcupines and the other has a meth lab inside. the guys still hurt and it's hard to walk.

alternate ice and heat...just to feel like you're doing something to make it better...but it won't. if you're lucky, the plums will stop being the color of real plums within a week and you won't feel like puking anymore.

it may not be as bad as giving birth...thankfully we'll never know...but i wouldn't wish that hell on my worst enemy.