open your heart and let it breath
close your eyes and forget how to
see feel your way down and sit on
your knees open your mind and run
with the brease sitting alone hurts
and heals brakes your heart and sets
you free no where to hide nothing
to prove except to your self your no
longer a fool

open your heart and let me see the
scars that i made are starting to fade
close your eyes and listen to me say
i love you and hate you everyday in
black clothes i walk really slow singing
a lullaby that you only know kisses now
sting thats odd like a ring

open your heart and show to the world
the new person you are a shinin new
star close your mind to the world and
relax for a while your impatient i know
just be who you are and you will excell
very far breath in really slow and breath
out really slow look at that your starting
glow

open you eyes and watch the clear skys
birds singing and cherping all spring long
close your ears so you cant hear the words
of the man in the mirror he taunts and he
teases always unpleased tries to bring you
down to fall on your knees

open the bottle and drink all the rum smile
real wide and look like a bum close your lighter
and start with the laughter what ticks and tocks
and runs on the wall a click a clock it looks like
a rock you seem very content with this new way
of living so open your eyes and its him that your
kissing


Tell Me What You Think Please

Lots of nice things written here. In my opinion, the flow would be better if the line breaks were different. Great job and thanks for posting.

welcome to the pacw forum!!

thanks. glad to be here but when i write i post how i feel at the moment i never re write the same thing twice thats if i screw up the whole thing goes bye bye and i go a diff dierection ii dont wanna be cocky or a jerk but i feel as if i may be something close to a very small part of what mozart did. bc when i write its never corrected. its done the way it is bc thats the i felt. i can give a link to my poetry w eb site if you wanna read my other writes private message me for the link

I told you so

Good for you- most of us write for ourselves. What others think really isn't important. It looked to me like you were asking for advise. That's the only reason I responded with a suggestion. Keep on writing to please yourself.

i do enjoy advice so please keep giving out the advice lol huggs

Nice write,,,,,many thoughts beautifully said, while at other times things seem a little hard to follow,,,like with run-on sentences

maybe add some punctuation to clarify where a thought starts/ends??,,,other than that, good job