HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL.

1.Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your arm as if holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cats’
mouth, and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding the pill in the
right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into the cats’ mouth, and allow
the animal to close mouth and swallow.

2.Retrieve pill from floor, and cat
from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3.Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle
cat in left in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force
jaws open, and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold
mouth closed for a count of ten.

4.Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl, and
cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse
in from the garden.

5.Kneel on the floor, with the cat firmly
wedged between the knees.
Hold front
and rear paws. Ignore low growls
emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold the
cats head firmly with one hand while
forcing wooden ruler into the cats
mouth. Drop pill down ruler, and rub
cats’ mouth vigorously.

6.Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get
another pill from foil wrap. Make note
to buy a new ruler, and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines
and vases from hearth and set to one
side for gluing later.

7.Wrap cat in large towel, and get
spouse to lie on cat with its’ head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in
end of drinking straw, force mouth open
with a pencil,blow down drinking straw.
Check pill is not harmful to humans.
Drink a glass of water to take taste
away. Apply sticking plaster to
spouses forearm, and remove blood
from carpet with hot water and salt/soap.

8. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed.
Get another pill. Place cat in cup-
board, and close door on neck to leave
head showing. Force mouth open with
a spoon. Flick pill down throat with
an elastic band.

9. Fetch screwdriver from garage, and
cupboard door back on hinges. Apply
cold compress to cheek, and check
records for date of last tetanus jab.
Throw T-shirt away, and fetch a new one
from the bedroom.

10.Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from
tree across the road. Apologise to
neighbour who crashed into fence
while swerving to avoid cat. Take
last pill from foil wrap.

11.Tie cats front paws to rear paws with
garden twine, and bind tightly to leg
of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning
gloves from shed. Push pill into cats mouth,
followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold
head vertically, and pour two pints of
water down cats throat to wash the pill down.

12.Get spouse to drive you to the
casualty department of the local hospital.
Sit quietly while the doctor
stitches fingers and forearm, and remove
remnants of pill from right eye.
Call in at furniture shop on the way home to
order a new table.

13.Arrange for R.S.P.C.A. to collect cat,
and ring local pet shop to see if they
have any dogs.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL.

1. Wrap the pill in bacon.

That was tooooo funny

my
freind that so right on the money there.