There's this girl I used to like back in Soph. year of High school.
Back then, I was really awkward and really shy when it came to asking girls out. which i've honestly never done back then.
her name is jona.
my name is jon.
which we both thought was cool and funny and cute.
I used to be head over heels for this girl.
She was my ideal dream girl, for example.
Well, time passed and i never had the courage to ask her out.
I did ask if she wanted to hang out and go to the movies,
but she got busy last minute.
but instead of rescheduling, i didn't do anything except continue our friendship without letting anything happen =/
oh well, this was 3-4 years ago.
More time passed and she started going out with other guys.
well, just one guy. who was a total douche when he was with her.
(he's a good friend now.)
she dumped him.
and after a few weeks,
i finally told her how i felt.
i knew she wouldn't like me again like she used to,
but i had to say something, so i did.
more time passed and she started going out with her current boyfriend.
a really cool and good guy.
i've only met him once,
but yea.
Well, almost a year now has passed.
and she's pregnant.
happily pregnant.
and i thought i would still be jealous.
given that i did go out with her best friend for 7 months and gotten over her along time ago.
but still.
i find myself..
uneasy.
like, she's in a loving relationship and starting a family.
very young, at age 19.
but thats how she is.
and that's how i am.
i'm mature for my age and i know what's important in life.
it just makes me wish i had that going on.
not the whole pregnant thing.
..i dont wish I was pregnant haha.
but still.
to have found someone that i want to be with
and to be moving on to better places.
to be starting a family or at least thinking of it.
i feel older to have an old friend who's pregnant.
but i'm single again and without a clue as to where my life is going.
relationship wise.
i'm at peace with being single now.
that just means i can focus on myself and improve myself.
but still,
this whole college thing.
going from girl to girl.
video games,
shooting bb guns,
etc.
alot of very kiddy stuff.
means nothing when it comes to real life.
and idk.
i had to write this story somewhere,
i couldn't write it on myspace,
which i usually do,
but then jona would be able to read it.
and i dont want to complicate her life or anything.
i just want her to stay happy and be happy,
so if i stay out of all of it,
things could stay that way.

its ok to have your own feelings... and yes right now isnt the time to share them with her, for you would not be showing the good person that you know you are by interfearing with anything that could possibly be a good thing for her at this time. be patient and continue to be a good person that would never dissapoint yourself. But however if she becomes single be there for her as a friend. amd i mean a " friend" because that is the most important to be a friend, for if at a later time and you decide to share your feelings when the time is right, you will... remember this... you have to always be your best friend with a partner and if that is what you have in mind she will soooooo respect you for that and always remember that...

thnx =]
i'll always be one of her best friends.
i have no plans on trying to ask her out anytime soon or anything,
and i do hope her and her boyfriend are happy together forever.
i actually dont see us together anymore, like i used to.
it's just one of those "wut if" scenarios.
would we be together like that?
if i met someone like her,
would i be in a loving relationship like she is in now?
it just makes me think.