Lost my grandmother about a week ago, she went peacefully with a heart-attack in her sleep. Family is doing as well as can be hoped, my grandfather is taking it really hard. I've never done funerals well, and it was my grandmother's wish not to have one...I just don't like having the added memory of death in the numerous good memories. Am I weird for that? I've been told I'm heartless (doesn't really bother me given who said it, but still gets me thinking), I wonder if I in fact don't have much of a heart at all...

I don't thing you're heartless...Lost my mom 2 yrs ago, was with her when she started shuting down and then passed.. I don't like those memories but glad I could be with her at the end.. I'm sorry for your loss..

(((Fear))),

I'm sorry about your grandmother.

Everybody deals with death differently and on their own terms.

Nobody likes funerals. Funerals are uncomfortable situations. They do help with closure though.

Fear....you don't fool any of us for one minute...we all know you have a heart. The funeral thing...is simply a matter of choice. I had a friend that asked to be cremated, no service, no visit..just gone. It has become a regular practice these days. Later on....have a party for her...a special time to remember the joy and laughter she brought to your lives...have cake, blow up balloons, have pictures, etc....
So sorry for your loss....and sending you and your family prayers.

awwww I'm sorry for that too

I don't usually do funerals either. I prefer to keep the good memories

although when my grandfather (the Methodist preacher) died it was kinda cool to hear all the testimonials from his friends and family

I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved Grandmother.

Funerals are for the living. It helps with acceptance. What is done and how, where, is all up to the family. I put some personal touches on ours that made it special as well. I think it's very normal to not care for them.

one thing I always wondered

why is it that all your life you're in a big hurry and have to stop for the signal lights

and then once you're dead and have all the time in the world they let you run em?

No...you are not heartless... I have been to far too many funerals...I don't care for the fact that if it was an open coffin funeral...THAT'S the first image that comes into my brain when thinking of a loved one who's passed on...

Given the situation I changed my profile picture...this is probably one of those rare times I will actually use a cross in my profile picture. I've never understood how a funeral helps with closure though, that has really never made much sense to me. Personally; the only closure I like to have is that they lived their life fully and died peacefully, I can understand my grandfather wanting to have his own personal time for closure, I feel myself personally would be out of place in such an event.

Fear, I just re read this. Your Grandfather is in shock, not medically speaking but emotionally. You say she died suddenly in her sleep and no funeral. It hasn't sunk in to him yet and that may take a while, fyi.

It was her request not to have a funeral, she passed in Virginia where she was visiting for a little while. She knew she was going to pass...she didn't want my grandfather to find her like that, he's crushed enough with the news...much less had he found her.

I understand. I'm just saying since he wasn't there and no funeral it takes a while to accept. Hell it takes a while if you are there.

No Fear you're not weird. I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother, but society as a whole expects someone to grieve far too long in my opinion. When I go, I don't want people that loved me to remember me forever. And I don't want to burden anyone with funeral costs. A 8x8 plot for 10 grand, then 30 grand for the casket? To me that's inane, I'll be dead. I don't care what you do with me. Burn me, I don't wanna be worm food.

Yeah, it is pretty rough for my aunt. She has the responsibility of making sure the ashes get back home to Wyoming, there will be a ceremony of sorts (more of a get-together) for family and friends but not a proper funeral par her wishes. All I want out of it is a picture of the urn her ashes are to be placed in.

I'm sorry your grandpa is having it so rough!! What a life change to go through. I don't care how much we acknowledge the inevitable, the reality is always a jolt.
And, funerals are just a ceremony, a ritual, for some, in order to say a final goodbye.
I want a PARTY when I go. Not a funeral.

my grandfather died in '87 and my grandmother lives in a nursing home. she is 96. she told me that every morning she wakes up and expects him to be there and when she realizes he wont be she cries

every single morning

That would be better left unsaid to Angel!

LOL she has lost too many loved ones, so it's not something I, discuss with her. she just knows I want to be cremated, not why.

Which was EXACTLY my point!