*Ugh* Please help! I can't think clearly. I've been in a relationship for 6 years. We still realy love eachother, but we have run into a few roadblocks recently. My boyfriend (whom I live with) has major financial issues and trust issues. He's very irresponsible with his money and thus far has been unable/willing to improve...his explanation is that he's scared to begin working on it because he's scared to fail. (He's a bit of a perfectionist) As far as the trust issues go, he is very reluctant/unwilling to open up any further on a personal level. I don't know any more personal info. about him than one of his really good friends...which creates a lack of intimacy (I'm not talking about the physical kind per say). Another issue is our economic standing. His goal is to be a chef. He does not want to take any more college courses (he's 2 classes away from an associates degree)..he just wants to go to culinary school. Right now he works as a prep-cook and line-cook (he has 2 jobs) making just above minimum wage at each. My goal is to become a physician, I plan to attend medical school next year. I am an office manager at a medical office, and I'm really responsible with my money. He has been attending counceling for the personal issues, but is not willing to change his financial habits. Other than this, we have a very loving relationship...everything else is alright. Are we wasting our time here? Is it worth breaking up over financial 'hygiene'? Do you have any other solutions or advice to offer from personal experience? Please help! I need some heart-felt advice...

Sounds like your boyfriend isn't exactly sure as to what he wants to do. The fact he's "responsible" with his finances doesn't help things, either.

What you should probably do is try to instill in him the fact that he's simply got to think about his future, not only career-wise, but also economically as well. He should at least make SOME effort to enact some amount of responsibility in his life, and preferably sooner than later.

If he won't listen or isn't keen on paying attention to what you have to tell him, then you should probably move on.

everyone or at least most have finances issue as where you both need to sit down and work it out. as for the trust issue. well i have always said this. if there isent any trust then what is the point of keeping a relationship.. he would continue on having trust issue...
and if i were him i could continue with his classes

Money is the foremost cause of divorces in the US--so, yes, I'd say it's reasonable.

If a mutha ****er is ripping you off them its acceptable to kick their azz to tha curb

Sounds like you've already made your decision by being on a dating site.

good point

when your just dating its not cool to break up over money. if you love the person your supposed to stick with them till they get they head right. 'specially if everything else is right. being afraid to fail is a common thing for most people. thing is he has to know that if he never tries, then he has already failed. its like the race started and he never started running cuz hes afraid he might trip.

however, the fact you say you dont know much about him... even after 6yrs... that doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. you should know practically everything by then.

those two flaws combined... im sorry to say, that is a very good reason to break up.

the problems that you see now will be the same ones you will have if you ever get hitched. its obvious that you are thinkin about the future... imagine you had a kid... how would that kid be able to have a good life if the money aint right? Imagine having a husband that is closed off emotionally when the goin gets rough.

i say break it off go to med school. an see if he gets his act together. (good money says you meet a cute doctor whos got his money right an would love nothing more than to tell u his life story)

the most powerful motivational force for a man is the love of a woman.
or in this case the lack of you could be the motivation.

damn! if that aint the Gods honest, i dont know what is.

If you plan on having a future with him, I would hope that he would be more financially responsible. I always made more money than my husband, but we had the same values and mindset.

I would say if you can't seem to work things out, as terrible as it sounds, I would move on. Certain people just can't change, and you should never settle for something not quite enough.

I hope this helps you.

You've been in a relationship with this man for SIX years and the only person you know in his life is ONE friend? Did I read that right?

hehehe...no, I've been with him for six years, but I feel like I know the same info. about him as any of his good friends (no more, no less) Thank you everyone for your comments, and for taking the time to read this post. It has been really helpful, and refreshing to read your thoughts on the situation. BTW, obviously I didn't really research this site otherwise I would have known its for dating...but in that case, don't you think its wierd to have the "dating and relationship advice" forum? hahaha....Thanks again!

Let him know that if you have to handle the financial end on your own, you may as well be on your own. He needs to get a grip on it.

This is a case where you are more sure of what you want than your partner does. It can be a reason for a relationship to fail.