he is four years old and definitely has adhd (no question on this). Has
been screaming and hollering (nothing physical thankfully which he is
known for sometimes) for about ten minutes. I figured initially let him
go worst case he would have a sore throat, and maybe that would help
teach him a lesson. Butnow I ma worried he is going to truly make
himself sick,and I am also worried about the damn neighbor calling cps
and making bogus accusations again.
any advise?

oh and he is also pissed cause he got sent to bed early for trying to
steal candy from the store.

as long as you don't phiscaly hurt him that is fine he need to learn
that he has to do things he dosent want to or has to but if he gets sick
just clean it up and let him scream

normally, i'd say to let him go, and to pay no attention to it...but if
he can't stop himself, YOU have to.

get on his level, right in his face...and firmly state, "enough! NOT
okay...let's go get you a drink of water." take his attention elsewhere
after you have commanded said attention, and hopefully this will work.

some kids aren't physically capable of calming themselves down.

If he has ADD, has he seen a doctor? My kids don't have ADD, and I
wouldn't recommend this for a kid who did or had some other medical
condition, but the few times my kids got hysterical, I splashed cold
water on their face. Not a cupfull, like a tablespoon.

Daniel, please post an update.

As you know, tantrums are characteristic of ADHD, usually lasting about
20-30 minutes. Changing his routine, by putting him to bed early, is
likely your trigger here. Do you have a support group, or something
similar, to help you with discovering new discipline methods?

Um, River, it's not good form to recommend cold water on the face of a
child with a neurological disorder. ADHD tantrums can be caused by
sensory overload; the last thing he would need is cold water.

Daniel, my oldest son had the same problem except back then they didn't
have a name forit, if he threw a tantrum I would do the same, lay in the
floor screaming and kicking myfeet, the whole nine yards, he would hush
and just watch me for a while, he still to this day thinks I am crazy,
but it worked, thats what I did. You might try it, it can't hurt you or
him

exactly lady and I apppreciate the thughts. yes it was going to bed
early as punishment that triggered it; andno I do not have a support
group here tohelp with it.
For whoever asked, yes he has seen a doctor, a psychiatrist and three
therapists who all agree (as do I) that he ahs adhd. And for those that
do not know otherwise, no it is not a good idea to overload the senses
of someone with adhd, at best you will just increase the behavior
problem at worst they can go int a form of catatonic shock (rarely
longer than a little while but still possible).
The main problem here is he was obviously overloaded, and needed time to
relax and calm down and go to sleep for the night. But puttign himto
bed triggered the tantrum to be worse than ever.

when my daughter overloads...i hold her still and do joint compressions.
i take each finger and rotate them, pushing slightly and then
pulling...i work each joint, then move to the wrist, elbows, shoulders,
etcetera.

combining the compression with a very firm back rub-down...calms her
down very quickly. she'll even ask for it if she feels herself losing
control.

hmmm that sounds nice Lulu...... your a good mom, no doubt.

Lady: Did you read my post? I specifically said do not do the water
thing on kids with ADD or medical conditions.

as mentioned, any slight change in routine will set him off.

Having said that, from what I've read recently, I'd say there is a LOT
more going on.
Difficulty with this for him, and you...and the rest of the family, is
recognizing the upheaval, and sensativities he has to even your moods.
And, with all that you face at this time, simple ADHD doesn't cover it.

I hope you guys are getting help.

yes he is geting therapy, and counseling from both therapist and
psychiatrist. His last psych (I've changed cause of some issues with
the prior one) was treating him for adhd and watching to see if that
helped or if naything else became noticeable. We are going to be
starting back at this point with hte new psych. and going from there.
Thanks for your concern.

I just put my son on a small dose of meds after six years of tantrums
and such.He has adhd also.i am so glad i did it.He can concentrate in
school and my home life is so much better.I tried counseling but he
wouldn't talk to the counselor.
Medicine is not up everyone's alley but it saved my sanity.Oh and he
isnt a stepford zombie either..stilla spunky,imaginative,intelligent boy
who now doesnt get frustrated because his mind is faster than his body.
He was diagnosed ADHD by the way.

I just put my son on a small dose of meds after six years of tantrums
and such.He has adhd also.i am so glad i did it.He can concentrate in
school and my home life is so much better.I tried counseling but he
wouldn't talk to the counselor.
Medicine is not up everyone's alley but it saved my sanity.Oh and he
isnt a stepford zombie either..stilla spunky,imaginative,intelligent boy
who now doesnt get frustrated because his mind is faster than his body.

I have 2 sons with ADHD...my oldest son is now just ADD...I understand
just where you are coming from. Have you ever considered medicine?
Everyone thinks that medicine is bad, trust me, medicine can save YOUR
sanity. Not all meds make the children hazy and in a zombie state of
mind. It sounds like your child is pretty hard to handle...no offense!
The drs told me that my oldest son had ADHD when he was 3, but they
wouldn't put him on meds until he was 5. I knew that my youngest had
ADHD when he was around 3 also...neither one of my boys sleep all night!
My boys are now 18 and 12...they still don't sleep all night. Imagine
that, they only need about 5-6 hours of sleep and then they are good to
go. With out meds, my little one gets really hyper around 8 at bedtime.
He has to even take medicine to go to sleep. My dr said he should be the
posterchild for ADHD...sad but true.
Neither one of my children ever have temper tantrums, I think its due to
the medicines they are on. I think that maybe you should consider that?
Maybe try it over the summer, that way..your son will be with you at all
times and you can watch him. You said he is only 4 so they might not
even suggest it, but it might be worth you asking your dr.
This is just something that I was wondering...when my oldest son started
acting up...I had to really become tough on dicipline with him. Do you
let him slide because he has ADHD? If so, thats your first mistake! They
will take advantage of it...trust me, the teachers will not give your
son any breaks at all. In fact, they expect him to sit there and be in
control just like a "normal" child.
Good luck on this and I do hope that you consider everything I said

being a mother who grew up with the ADHD and living the nightmare as a
child let me just say having one with ADHD I sure wish my own mother
would have put me on MEDICATION. I am with unsure and stand and applaud
you lady! YOU ROCK!
mine was diagnosed at age 2. By age 3 he was on adderallxr and has done
beautifully ever since. Take away his medication and he will level a
room within minutes. God bless the makers of adderall!!!!!

Thanks Barbiesbigsister
One of my kids are on Adderall and the other one takes Concerta...both
of those are good meds. I think they just have to play with the meds
until they find what is good for the child. I am just glad they make
Xanax...thats what has saved me
Its very hard on the parents as well as the child...the child does not
lead a "normal" life. I am sure that you are aware of this. My youngest
son does not go spend the night with anyone. I don't trust to many
people with him...he is way to hyper. I am proud to say that I am stuck
with him

a cold glass of water fair in the face from my mother would nock the
tantrum out of me when i was a child .thanks mum.

Focusonthefamily.org is a great resource.

Ahhhh, 4 year old tantrums are the worst. This is going to sound really
silly, but get a copy of 1-2-3 Magic. It is a book on (basically) time
outs. Believe it or not, it works. The public school PreK instroduced
me to it.

And structure! Lots and lots of structure...almost military like.

My son has an adjustment disorder and any change in his rountine messes
him up. Right now, we are going through the (second) round of tests to
see if has CAPD (Central Auditory Processing Disorder) and possibly ADD.

Another thing that has really worked well for my boy is Tae Kwon Do. He
has been doing it for 2 months now. He absolutely loves it and totally
gets that he is NOT permitted to do anything out of the studio. He
tested and passed for yellow belt yesterday. It is hysterical to watch
how hard he concentrates and tries so hard to follow directions. His
instructor takes no crap from the kids.

And also, take some time for YOU. I know most of us single parents
forget to do that. Hang in there!