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| Topic: Oil Change | |
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Oil Change instructions for Women:
>>> >>> 1) Pull up to Lube Shop when >>> the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. >>> >>> >>> 2) Drink a cup of coffee. >>> >>> >>> 3) 15 minutes later, write a >>> check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Money spent: >>> >>> Oil Change: >>> >>> $20.00 >>> Coffee: $1.00 >>> Total: $21.00 >>> ========== >>> >>> >>> >>> Oil Change instructions for Men >>> : >>> >>> >>> 1) Wait until Saturday, drive >>> to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty >>> litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for >>> $50.00. >>> >>> >>> 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case >>> of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. >>> >>> >>> 3) Open a beer and drink it. >>> >>> >>> 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 >>> minutes looking for jack stands. >>> >>> >>> 5) Find jack stands under >>> kid's pedal car. >>> >>> >>> 6) In frustration, open another >>> beer and drink it. >>> >>> >>> 7) Place drain pan under >>> engine. >>> >>> >>> 8) Look for 9/16 box end >>> wrench. >>> >>> >>> 9) Give up and use crescent >>> wrench. >>> >>> >>> 10) Unscrew drain plug. >>> >>> >>> 11) Drop drain plug in pan of >>> hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.. Cuss. >>> >>> >>> 12) Crawl out from under car to >>> wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on >>> spilled oil. >>> >>> >>> 13) Have another beer while >>> watching oil drain. >>> >>> >>> 14) Spend 30 minutes looking >>> for oil filter wrench. >>> >>> >>> 15) Give up; crawl under car >>> and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. >>> >>> >>> 16) Crawl out from under car >>> with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from >>> holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can >>> to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. >>> >>> >>> 17) Install new oil filter >>> making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. >>> >>> >>> 18) Dump first quart of fresh >>> oil into engine. >>> >>> >>> 19) Remember drain plug from >>> step 11. >>> >>> >>> 20) Hurry to find drain plug in >>> drain pan. >>> >>> >>> 21) Drink beer. >>> >>> >>> 22) Discover that first quart >>> of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil >>> spill. >>> >>> >>> 23) Get drain plug back in with >>> only a minor spill. Drink beer. >>> >>> >>> 24) Crawl under car getting >>> kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to >>> clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench >>> tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing >>> any excess skin between knuckles and frame. >>> >>> >>> 25) Begin cussing fit. >>> >>> >>> 26) Throw stupid crescent >>> wrench. >>> >>> >>> 27) Cuss for additional 5 >>> minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. >>> 28) Beer. >>> >>> >>> 29) Clean up hands and bandage >>> as required to stop blood flow. >>> >>> >>> 30) Beer. >>> >>> >>> 31) Dump in five fresh quarts >>> of oil. >>> >>> >>> 32) Beer. >>> >>> >>> 33) Lower car from jack stands. >>> >>> >>> >>> 34) Move car back to apply more >>> kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps. >>> >>> >>> 35) Beer. >>> >>> >>> 36) Test drive car. >>> >>> >>> 37) Get pulled over: arrested >>> for driving under the influence. >>> >>> >>> 38) Car gets impounded. >>> >>> >>> 39) Call loving wife, make >>> bail. >>> >>> >>> 40) 12 hours later, get car >>> from impound yard. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Money spent: >>> Parts: $50.00 >>> DUI: $2500.00 >>> Impound fee: $75.00 >>> Bail: $1500..00 >>> Beer: $20.00 >>> Total: $4,145.00 >>> But you know the job was done >>> right! |
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Edited by
moonlight_ride62
on
Sun 04/19/09 07:22 AM
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Thank God I am a woman & have you guys to do all the cussing and hand banging for me..but now if that beer is a corona I will drink one with ya...
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This has got to be my ex who wrote this.
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