WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

> She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
> Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
> Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
> Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
> And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


> WOMEN'S REVENGE
> "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to
> purchase.
> As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a
television
> set in her purse.
> "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
> "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
> and I figured this was the most I could do to him legally."


> UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
> (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
> I know I'm not going to understand women.
> I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
> pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
> and still be afraid of a spider.


> MARRIAGE SEMINAR
> While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
> Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
> "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
> dislikes."
> He addressed the man,
> "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
> Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
> Pillsbury, isn't it?


> CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
> A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
> The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
> He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
> She directs him down the correct aisle.
> A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
ball of
> string on the counter.She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were
looking
> for some tampons for
> your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my
wife
> to the
> store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin
of
> tobacco
> and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
> So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
> (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


> WIFE VS. HUSBAND
> A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
> An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
> neither of them wanted to concede their position.
> As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
> the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
> "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


> WORDS
> [ A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women
use a
> day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
> The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
> everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
> "What?"


> CREATION
> A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
> so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
> "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
> God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
> God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


> WHO DOES WHAT
> A man and his wife were having an argument about who
> should brew the coffee each morning.
> The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,
> and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
> The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
> you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for
my
> coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in
the
> Bible that
> the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe
that,
> show
> me."
> So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
at
> the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......... "HEBREWS"


> The Silent Treatment
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home
> and were giving each other the silent treatment.
> Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife
to
> wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
on a
> piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew
she
> would find it.
> The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he
> had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and! see why his
wife
> hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
> The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
>
> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
> God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
draft
> before the masterpiece.

Kat

those were good!!

Thanx a million for the laughs!!! I needed that!!


Roll her own!!!! Hilarious!!