is it possibe to still love someone even if you hadnt seem them or had any contact for 25 years . here is the thing . i recently moved back home to tx where i left after high school . my girlfriend from school had a year left and i went into the army . i was gonna propose to her after basic training. but beore i could she did make a mistake and messed around and got preg . i was so heart broken when they sent me to germany i never contacted her again. so life went on but i never forgot her.

well this week we ran into each other and all those feelings came rushing back. i didnt tell her but i did eplain why i never contacted her . she said she always wondered what happened to me and had thought of me and missed me all these years . so we went to dinner to catch up and accoring to her she was happily married . and that life was good overall . i told her i was happy for her and thats all i ever wanted for her .

we exchanged phone numbers and email and went on with our lives . now a few days later she called me and confessed she lied that her marriage was not good after her son leaves for college they plan to divorce. she told me she had said her life was good because she was afraid i would be disappointed with her and think bad . now i dont know what to do . do i tell her i still and always have loved her . this is the only woman who i have never been able to get over . i still have evey letter note car and pic from her from all those years ago. do i risk loosing her again by telling her this or do i just keep my mouth shut and love her like i have all these years . help i am so confused

Honesty is best....

If you have waited this long... you can wait until her son is gone to college... but do wait for that

if you love her.... fight for her and wait for her

dont wonder "what if" any more

Wow - it sounds like you have a very heavy heart today.

In my opinion, I would say that love grows in our hearts and time nor distance will lessen that. I would be friends first, get to know her all over again. You know that there is a spark in your heart where she is concerned and it sounds like a lot has happened over the years. Getting to know who she is today will guide your heart in the direction it should go.

Getting to know her again will also let you know if she is honest, looking for a "sure thing" to help her escape her reality, see if you still feel about her now as you think you do and most importantly let her see how she feels about you.

I would not rush it. If you sit back, listen and watch, her actions will tell you how to respond.

I do not condone an easy out for bad marriage, and I would hate to see her use you to get what she wants (not that she would do that). Just take your time, but don't play all of your cards at once so she knows how you feel about her.

Get to be friends again, and maybe......

25 years ago she messed around on you, then she tells you life with her husband is good, but then it's not?

when we spoke last night i explained that no matter what i would never be disapointed with her and the fact my life did not exactly turn out the way i wanted . but also reassured her that her friendship means more to me then anything . she did not hide the fact from her husband that we had dinner she told him and he had no problem with it . but i am also afraid i will end up being a factor in her divorece and i dont want to ever cause her any pain . nor would i ever break up a marriage . like i said i have only wanted her to be happy with or without me

Frankly, I'd be very wary of this woman. Her character, at the very least, seems suspect. If it were me, I'd quickly move in the other direction, but since you are carrying the torch then at least make sure you DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID.

In the words of another old Army guy that lost his woman, and went to Germany.. Put it on hold until she has the finalized divorce papers in her hands. That way, you can be sure that you had NOTHING to do with it, and you'll have a clear conscious.

was only suppose tobe in germany 18 months but didnt come back to the states for 6 years . i really apprciate everyones advice . this has been a week of major ups and downs for me

I agree with everyone else on taking it slow and getting to know her again.. Sometimes we love someone but are not meant to be in a relationship with that person, I only say this because I have experienced it myself

Where were you stationed there, and what years? I was in Gelnhausen, about 30km east of Frankfurt from late 88 to Aug 91.

what sully says. be friendly but...try not to get involved until it is clear that her marriage is over and she is really free to be with you.

was in karlsruhe 78th engr bn from 85 to 90

Ugh~ I don't want to sound mean here but I have to ask. Do you really want someone with such low moral stability? In your own relationship with her she has already proven unfaithful and untrustworthy. Not to mention she appears to be a liar. While I don't think anyone ever truly forgets their first love is this really the type person you want to try and establish a relationship with? I would think long and hard about this one......