>>> well... this morning when i woke up i took 2
exlax in addition to taking my prozac, so i can't get off the ****ter,
but at least i'm happy about it. >> i thought it was funny?>..

Body Function Jokes! Gotta luv 'em!

Good one!

sorry boss, cant come in today. Why not, you ask? because if I have to
put up with another one of your stupid jokes about ... uh... yeah
boss? yeah I will be in on time in order to clear my desk.

Hey boss, years ago I was in a motorcycle accident and they had to put a
pin in my knee and the pin keeps backing out. I pushed it back in but I
have to have my doctor see it. Wait, I AM the boss!?! This was an actual
excuse eleven years ago and I am still talking about it.

Hey boss! I just did my shorts! And I don't care! Coming in soon! Got
any clean jeans?

hey boss, I cant come into work today I am at the hospital I was cutting
bananas with a boxknife

my dog ate my car keys hes not when .........yet lol

Hey boss I can't come to work today I have rectal glaucoma, I can't see
my butt coming to work today

I stole this one...

Employee: I can't come in today, I'm sick.
Boss: You don't sound sick.
Employee: I'm f***ing my dog, is that sick enough for you?

Zapchaser,

My son was hit by a drunk driver, which broke his left femur. It had to
be held together with a metal pin, which pushed it's way out of his
skin. Just wanted to let you know that it is possible, the guy might
not have been lying.

Sorry spider, I did believe him until a co-worker told me he went
fishing. I asked him for a doctor's note the next day but he said he
didn't go because he pushed the pin in himself. two weeks later I was on
my way to visit a customer and I called him to ask his location. He said
he was just arriving at his second job of the day. As I pulled alongside
of one of our company vans on the highway with a fishing boat behind it,
I waved and said "which lake did we add as a customer?"

Can't come to work today boss, I'm too drunk to drive.

On Friday I was working alone on the sixth floor of the building that we
are erecting.
When I had completed my work, I noticed that there were some bricks left
over, which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of
500lbs.
Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them in a
barrel, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth
floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung
the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it.
Then I went down, and untied the rope, holding on to it tightly, to
ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will notice in Paragraph 11 of the enclosed accident report form,
that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being so suddenly jerked off
the ground, I lost my presence of mind

Part two follows

Part 2

I lost my prescence of mind, and forgot to let go of the rope.
Needless to say, I proceeded up the side of the building at a rapid
rate.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downwards at an equally impressive speed.
This explains the fractured skull and minor abrasions as listed in
section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my prescence of mind, and was
able to hold tightly onto the rope despite beginning to experience pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
gtound, and the bottom fell out of the barrel.
Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed
approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the
building.
Once again, in the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming
up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe
lacerations of my legs and lower body.
At this point, my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the
barrel slowed me down enough to lessen my injuries,when I fell onto the
pile of bricks, and, fortunately, only two vertebrae were cracked. I am
sorry to report however that as I lay there on the pile of bricks in
pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind,
and let go of the rope, and I lay there unable to move, watching the
barrel make it's descent down the side of the building, and its
inevetible landing on my lower torso. This explains the two broken legs.

So I hope you'll understand that I may be a little late in coming to
work tomorrow.

I'm too well to come to work today.

Sorry for not turning up, but I'm too busy doing nothing

The boss gave me the day off!

I'm the boss!

This is my favorite phone call "I hope you don't mind but I am taking
the day off for personal reasons, and personally I don't care if I come
in tomorrow either but I am sure I am in enough trouble for telling you
I personally don't like this job. Are these reasons personal enough for
you? If not I can really get personal if you'll pull your head out of
your A$$.














I wonder if I would have a job after being that personal?




G

My favorite excuse for not going to work was I did'nt have any
weed! lol I invented calling in "weedless" LOL