I am a single mom with three kids 10,7,and 3. I am trying to get back
out into the dating world, and my two older kids seem to sabatoage any
efforts that i have. I haven't been with their dad for almost 5 years
and there is abslolutely no talk of us getting back together. What can i
do to make it easier for my kids,nad still be able to do "adult things"
after they have gone to bed?

If you have any advice please send me a message and thank you

It is ok. I understand. Went thru my own divorce last Dec. and it
always seemed that whenever I had plans, "something" would happen. So,
I now plan most of my "adult time activities" when my son is with his
Dad. And sometimes, like now, I plan those activities and make sure
whomever I am with, knows it will be kid friendly, whatever we do. It
is either that, or they can "hit the bricks." Ya know what I mean.

It is a balancing act. I truly do get the quandry your in. If the kids
are "acting out" maybe, counciling would help them understand that you
and "Daddy" are not gonna get back together. It took for my son to meet
his Dad's girlfriend for him to get that thru his head. It is hard on
everyone involved.
And kids, God bless em, get stuck in the middle.

You will be ok, just take it day by day, darlin'. It will work out.

I have a 15 year old daughter and she does not want me to date.(PERIOD)

But I am the adult so I will do as I wish and I have come to this
conclusion.

Dating is for adults and is none of a child business and the only time I
will make it her business is WHEN and IF I get serious about someone.

Until then it is none of her concern, she is not going be apart of it
and above I am a person that deserves to have someone special in my life
and no little munchkin with visions of what ever she is thinking will
take that away form me.

In return I am respectful to her concerns. I don’t bring women home (I
have custody of her SO SHE LIVES WITH ME) if she is her. I don’t flaunt
it in front of her, in any way and I hope as she gets older she will
want me to have somebody special in my life besides her.

i'll personally wait until my children are emotionally ready for me to
date...because they come first.

if that's when they all are over eighteen, so be it.

Yup what she said. Obviously your kids still need time.

What iRon said, that's what I was going to say. When I began dating a
year ago, my kids had NO idea I was dating because I kept it to nights
when they were at their dad's. There was only one guy I introduced my
kids to, and he had been a friend I'd known since I was 20 and he came
back into my life. So he was more of a life-long friend than date.

Your kids should not know you are dating. Then they can't have feelings
or opinions about it.

ps: It definitely is not "fair" to the parent who has the majority of
the physical custody; that is the case w/me. My ex was dating so soon
after our separation 2 years ago, it made my head spin. I didn't have
the time or freedom to do that. He did settle on one woman pretty
quickly and when he had the kids for the weekend, he would take the kids
to this woman's house. That *really* pissed me off. He
had, well, how many hours are in a week, night and day, to spend with
this woman and couldn't put our kids first for a stinkin' 48 hours? My
daughter was very upset, and I backed her up. My kids wanted to spend
the weekend with their dad, not his girlfriend.

My kids matured quite a bit from ages 11 and 15 when we separated to
where they are now at ages 13 and 17. It just might take some time.
Best, MJ

exactly why i don't date...i have my children all the time, their dad
only sees them on christmas day.

with special needs kids, baby-sitters are pretty much out...and i don't
allow men to meet my kids.

When i date or go out with girls, i do it on the days i dont have my
kids.
They have no idea. If and when i choose to have something of a more
serious nature with a women i will involve my daughters slowly. There
feedback will play a large role.

lulu24: First let me say you are my hero, with putting your kids first.
But, I know, you don't want to be a martyr. Dumb question, but are
family and friends who are familiar w/your situation able to help you in
the babysitting department?

This comment is not specifically for lulu24, but I don't think I will
ever regret the time--and almost years w/out dating--I spent with my
kids. They're my top priority. Now that they are older, that priority
doesn't require as much time and attention as it once did. But, I know I
did the right thing after the separation by not thinking of finding a
guy as what would come first.

closest family is three hours away...and quite busy.

my little one is in a special-needs daycare, an awesome place...and i
work while she attends.

i can't leave her with just anyone, and my best friend has four kids of
his own and a girlfriend...

you know, it's not really an issue for me...every saturday, instead of
me having a "date night", the kids and i go roller-skating or to the
park. i'd much rather spend time with THEM...and i can still control my
remote, lol.

See? Told you it was a dumb question, lol. Or else you'da come up with
it by yourself and not wait for people like me to stumble through this
site and point out the obvious, lol.

Even family is not always the answer. My son was ill for 2 years,
between the ages of 3 and 5 (he is now 13, thank God). We left him with
his grandma, who is a registered nurse, only to pick him up time after
again to find she had not followed the explicit directions we'd left
her. Little things, like, give him his freakin' medicine!!!

Well, that was my ex's mother and my son is old enough to speak for
himself now should need be! MJ


closest family is three hours away...and quite busy.

my little one is in a special-needs daycare, an awesome place...and i
work while she attends.

i can't leave her with just anyone, and my best friend has four kids of
his own and a girlfriend...

you know, it's not really an issue for me...every saturday, instead of
me having a "date night", the kids and i go roller-skating or to the
park. i'd much rather spend time with THEM...and i can still control my
remote, lol.

rivergirl301 at least your ex wait till AFTER the separation...

iRon: Our problems weren't with infidelity.

Personally, I think people who jump into one relationship before they
are through with another are IDIOTS! But, that's just my opinion, lol.
That's why I took a year to myself after the split before I tried to
meet someone to date.

it also depends on the kids my 5 yo cousin can prey much warm up to
anyone his mother went through a divorce about 1 year ago and shes dated
2 guys since that time the first one was an a22hole and this new one
seems ok but its her life i've been screwed enough