i understand the idea of not making the same mistakes twice, but why must you be compared to the last person someone was with? I.e. if they cheated then you are held accountable for their actions and deal with suspicions. it's irritating. i am not your ex and don't like being judged as such. has anyone else had to deal with this and how did they cope?

Been there. Unfortunately when people in LTR's have them fall apart there is a bastardization phase they all go through. Some people handle breakups better than others. Usually people do not take breaking up so well because "safe" familiar ground falls apart under them shattering their beliefs and even predisposed notions. Some of it also is self hate and the inability to let go of past anger and moving on in their lives.
It is different from person to person and everyone you are going to deal with in life will be the product of a previously failed relationship. It is RARE to find someone untainted by a previous relationship and usually they are treated like closet cases.
That is part of the nature of the game! SBT.

All you can go is "Gird your loins," and carry on!

All part of growing you know!

I hear you. I said this to myself, last time "she is not like my ex"...I cannot have such a bad luck to attract, another same opportunitist woman who will lie to me and leave me cold and alone..for someone else who has more money. 5 months later..here I am..lol..
I still have my hopes though..I still believe there are women out there looking for more than money and wealth.

Some of us just want your body, hon.

Ummmm..thanks? lol...that's not enough...for the long run....

Your significant other sounds like a person that didn't quite finish coping with their history before moving on to their present. Could be a case of bad timing :(

I think you get compared to the ex when the break up is fresh and/or the person hasn't let go of the past... Letting go can be hard sometimes, and some people carry it forever...

Yeah. Some people have problems with letting go of a bad relationship, and that will manifest itself in YOUR getting the drama.

i've just learned not to expect much from people. it keeps me from getting hurt too badly. as far as being compared to an ex, i lack any real relationship experience so i can't say that i've had to deal with this. i know that because of my minimal experience i sometimes worry that my performance will be compared to the persons previous partners.

i think that it's important to remember what someone has done to you so that you can recognize it when it's happening again. but a person should not go into a dating situation thinking that this current person will act a certain way just because the previous one did.



. . .

Drew, don't expect anything you wrote to change, either. You reap what you sow and you chose barren.

OP, people get what they ask for. If you want a person who doesn't compare you to their ex, choose a person who is OVER their ex.

If you simply decide what it is you have to have in a relationship, then you don't need to compare the next person to anyone except your standards.

men are stupid...if i do anything again they will be in the moment and get to know me

you wish i was your xxxxx

We go to Jupiter to get more stupider

I have delt with this one before and had to sit that person down and explain to them what they was doing to me, sometimes you get so use to a situation you don't even notice you are doing it... It was insecurities that he was having so I asked what is it that I may do to help him over them... We all compare so keep that in mind and stay on your guard so that you can communicate them with your next partner and work them out together JMO

Funny, I don't feel stupid...

Then again I am also a dirty blond...

Then again humans in general are stupid and women pull their share of blond moments.

If this was a more perfect world I would be dating by now.

A lot of women I know say I am "that rare catch," but evidently this fish is too damn smart to be caught by just anyone I guess. Its either that or I don't buy enough BS...

I have dealt with this fairly recently. Now I know, even if they say they are over their X , if they talk about them all the time, they are not. When they look at you, they do one of two things: 1)Compare the potential bad qualities or (red flags) you have to the ones they should have caught on the previous bad relationship or..2) They keep thinking of the very few good things their X did or had that you don't. It sucks.

or maybe not

First off.....Dont get involved with people who are NOT OVER THEIR EX!!!! Cut them loose...until they get over it.

what if you are already there x and they don't know it