Guys... and by that I mean non-judgmental women, can you tell me what went wrong with my last date?

First, I got my own transportation, borrowed a scooter that had been propping open the door of my neighbor's kid's meth lab and spent the time to wash it... twice. Then, I told her not to worry because she's waaay over 21 (the legally required age to ride sans bean-bucket) and she just sulked on the way, wouldn't answer when I pointed historical things out, y'know, the first place I made out... in that Nova station wagon up on blocks behind the preschool, the store that my Uncle Starchy fell off of when he was drunk or even the strip club where I was conceived.

We finally got to McDonald's, after stopping at a little corner shop because I'd had a few beers on the porch by the time she finally got to my place, (I swear she's got the shortest legs ever...) anyhoo, she complained that I'd left her outside in a bad neighborhood.
Apparently, she's got this political thing against meat, so we went to Taco Bell and she wasn't happier but I finally got her to eat something, which I even paid for. She's still sulking and I realize that as the man, it's my job to make conversation, so I tell her about the time I picked up roadkill so that I could get "I Mom" tattooed on my left thigh.
Not amused.
I told an Obama joke about the chicken leg in the place of Lady Liberty's torch and she actually went to the bathroom and didn't come back.
So, was the problem that my giant *ssed, dumpster-diving crab ate a cat in front of her or am I just too sexy?

(The above is for entertainment purposes only and should not, under any circumstances be considered factual. Any similarities to real events should be considered your own dumb fault.)

It's a correlation of assimilated averages based on the mandatory questionaire delivered to all known people who have admitted to being within a five mile radius....conducted within a witness protection program under constant surveillance.


Why do you ask?

One more question..

How many guns were the surveillance party carrying ?

A whole ARSENAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's worthwhile having these surveys conducted....

You get to find out exactly why you have no idea as to one's relationship status..and solidifies the concerns of being absolutely clueless into a comfortable rationalisation.

...am I single???

I am such a great catch!

Witty, intelligent, articulate, knowledgable...all of those alleged great attributes...


Honest, trustworthy....

it's the 'nice' thing, isn't it?


It's that damned 'nice' thing.....


So what about handicapped people who have an underdeveloped 'nice' gene?

They're people too...

well, for me, i would have to say that it's because you live soooo far away and are a little older than what i'm looking for. find a way to change those 2 things and i'd be willing to work on changing your single status.


. . .

Holy crap batman!!!!!!!!!!


I so can relate............