I just realized. As I've been reading this, I've dipping my tuna sandwich into my tomato soup.

Oh...well how am I supposed to help you have periods then?

I mean if you just want to experience the pain and symptoms I suggest the following:

- eat a hearty mexican dinner with lots of spicey ingredients and beans

- be sure to have 3 gallons of water with your meal until you feel like a tick ready to pop and you're unable to feel your feet or move your arms.

- have Lisa kick you in the balls every half hour (make sure she sets the timer)

- repeat this routine for a minimum of three days

Sorry, you won't get to use tampons, pads or pain killers and you won't be bleeding. It's the best I can do for you.

And that is strange how? Sounds pretty good to me....

Though i might try a tampon up the bum. But i forgot to bring any out with me.

I am eating chile con carne as i type!

I think thats where i will leave it though.

Though i might try a tampon up the bum. But i forgot to bring any out with me.

Be sure to get the ones with the flushable applicators.

You know, every time I show up for work and complain about having cramps and being tired (along with a squillion other symptoms), my 59-year old boss says "I am SO glad I don't have to go through that anymore!".

I guess she's got a point. But I think I would actually miss having my period. It has so many advantages:

- PMS is the perfect excuse for everything from missing the bus to cursing in front of the customers.

- What better way to induce pity in your partner than looking like the Goodyear Blimp with acne, moaning in pain while you slowly slide off the couch because you're cramping so bad that no matter how much you try to get comfortable, it's just not possible because you can't sit still?

- Getting your partner to hold and cuddle you because the Budweiser commercial with the cute baby Clydesdale made you cry.

- Being able to call in sick merely because you're bleeding to death.

- Making the pimply sales associate at Wal-Mart sweat with embarrassment because you're making him look for some hilarious sounding brand of tampons you totally made up, and - while you get louder and louder - threaten to have him fired if he's too stupid to special order them for you.

- Being able to tell your partner things like "Don't touch me, you sick bastard!" and actually having an excuse for saying it.

- Wearing your pajamas, robe and fuzzy slippers all day because you've gained so much water weight, you can't lift your arms high enough to turn on the shower.

- Actually having a valid excuse for popping Percocet like candy.

Yeah...I think I'm gonna miss my period.