soooo...say you have a beautiful just-turned thirteen-year-old...and you check the phone...

yeah, and there's explicit texts in the inbox. the outbox, however, is empty, and she tells you that she only received them.

what do you do?

Take the phone...Put her in her room for a week....Let her go to school though....Gotta make grades

I would just talk to her about it...and hope to God your child raising skills have payed off! But I don't think thats abnormal for kids these days...as awful as that sounds.

thirteen year olds don't need a cell phone. what did you do when you were a kid?

Talking is everyhting...even if you think they don't hear you they do...

I would almost think about believing her.......considering she probably would have erased BOTH boxes if she was guilty. Either way, might be time for a phone break!

been thru this myself...........

first you need to figure out if the texts are coming from the same number every time and if they are drom one of her friends or someone playing a practicaljoke.

Just cuz only the out box is empty doesn't mean she is innocent, she couldhave only erased what she sent.......mine did this thinking she wouldn't get in trouble.

You should talk to her about all this anyway.

I do agree that 13 in my book is too young for a cell phone. If you got for emergencies then only give it to her on days she will be away from you where you think you may need it for some reason

*sighs*

i took the phone for now, and she has to pay for the texts, as they aren't included in my plan. i think i'll have them blocked by my provider, but i really don't wish to do that in case of emergency.

two of my children have special needs, so phone contact at all times is essential.

i also called the boy's mother and had a chat with her...she loaned him HER phone to make the text. i explained that he was sending very sexual messages (i DO remember what it was like at that age, lol) and that i'd appreciate it if it would stop. i promised to take care of it on our end.

and then, yes, we had a talk. i don't believe in punishment, per se; i'm more into natural consequences. you screw up with the phone...you lose THAT privilege, not some other one.

why do they have to grow up?

tell her the story of the bird n the bees. new era everything changes and young lust is one of um cant really stop it.

birds and the bees? lol...i firmly believe that you don't wait to have "the talk". in fact, there IS no "talk"...it's an ongoing conversation throughout their lives.

yes it is

same number, sort of.

first they came from "dustin" and now they come from "dustin's mom". and yes, it actually was his mom's phone...cause i called it, heh.

i checked her alltel history, and she's only ever sent about three texts, as in ever. all the rest are received.

Personally, I would start checking into more of her things. Getting all my ducks in row so I know what I am dealing with completely. Then address the matter.

If I found it was more serious than just explicit texts, I would then make sure she has an exam with the doc, since those exams are now private, I would speak to the doc about my concerns. Also address with her the seriousness of all sexual acts because teens nowadays think that blow jobs are not sex. Give her complete sex ed including all diseases and how they are transmitted. And discuss the possibility of birth control if it might be needed.

From my experience with my own two teen girls they will keep more secrets than you will ever know so good detective work will be needed. I believed mine when they told me they were not doing anything and I became a granma when my daughter was 14.

You did the right thing

this was for lou lou 24

I'm sorry .........I'm not trying to rude or anything here. But when my kids were this age they were never left alone long enough to be able to have sex.

Mine were not allowed to date without a chaperone until they were older

get her one of those phones that can only call and receive calls from certain numbers

very good advice.

i was...the horrible teenager. as in, reeeeallly bad. um, worse than you're probably thinking, lol...so i really do realize what being a teen is like. that actually scares the devil out of me.

i don't yell, and i don't get all dramatic or throw fits. i really try and be logical...as in "what could happen if you were to..." and then bring it into the more specific. i find that if SHE comes up with the downfalls herself, she's more likely to avoid whatever it is.

i also personalize. explain my OWN experiences, and i'm completely honest. the long run...how things affected me over time. blech.

i checked with some of the neighborhood kids, and this boy goes to their school. he doesn't live near us anymore, and apparently he's in trouble at school so isn't allowed to ride the bus, either.

mind you, she doesn't get to do some of the things the other kids do...no movies by herself (she thought she was once until she turned around and i was sitting behind her and her friend) or hanging out at the local spots...no sleepovers unless they are at my house or i personally know and approve of the parents, and then more times than not i pop in and check on her. she goes outside, but only where i can see her (ripstik in the front yard)

she's also fairly responsible. she ran up the phone bill once, and she worked for her sister for several weeks to be able to pay the bill herself. honor roll, band, spanish club...

part of me was angry that she didn't show me the texts herself...and then i thought, "would i have to MY mother? uh, no"...

she looked me straight in the eye when i told her i was going to call his mother, and she said that was fine. no shock, no pleading, no defiance.

another part of me wishes she was still three.

where do you find that balance between enough freedom and enough supervision? how do you know for CERTAIN that you're not going too far one way or the other? how do you respect their rights enough for them to develop their own sense of self while ensuring that they don't damage it with rash actions?

sorry, i'm a bit pensive this evening...

When did you let her out of the basement?

I will admit I'm relieved I have a son.

Gee just a few years ago it was actually verbal....

I am taking notes...

How did we survive without being able to contact our friends at any hour of any day?

My kids have 'pay as you go' phones which they purchased when they got to an age where we thought they could be responsible with one. They pay for their texts. And they know we monitor it. They are also under the mistaken impression that we can read all their texts online, although I never told them that.