Because I Am a Guy .............. Because I am a Women

.............. I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has
been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it,
though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator..................................Just to see you move the
your ass out of in frount of the TV ...I will hide the the remote.

.............. when I lock my keys in the car I
will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your
suggestions that we call a road service until long
after hypothermia has set in.............I will call a cab and leave
your ass there...

.............. when the car isn't running very
well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as
if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows
up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these things, but now with all these
computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to
start." We will then drink beer. .............Call a Tow-truck and
charge it to your Credit Card

.............. when I catch a cold I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in
bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for
you this isn't an issue. ...................When im sick rent a Hotel
room and ignore your issue.....

.............. I can be relied upon to purchase
basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I
cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin"
or "tofu." For all I know these are the same thing.
And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick
up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a
euphemism......................... ........No its not cumin, its CUM ING
AGAIN SO SOON??..... not tofu its "to the fool..U" feminine hygiene
product is a euphemism for abad week for YOU!!!

.............. when one of our appliances stops
working I will insist on taking it apart - despite
evidence that this will just cost me twice as much
once the repair person gets here and has to put it
back together. ...............................NO S*IT!!!

.............. I don't think we're all that lost,
and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone.
Why would you listen to a complete stranger - how the
heck could HE know where we're going? ....................We should ask
a know it all Female...

.............. there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The answer is always either sex or
football, though I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't. ....................................Just trying to
act like im ENTERSETED....in what your thinking

.............. I do not want to visit your mother,
or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when
she calls, or think about her any more than I have to.
Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay, I don't
need to see it. Did you remember to pick up something
for my mom, too? ....................Did u remember to pick up something
for ME??!!

.............. I am capable of announcing, "one
more beer and I really have to go," and mean it every
single time I say it, even when it gets to the point
that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to
go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly
hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be
home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw
all my clothes into the front yard. What's the
connection? .......................PMS!!!!

.............. you don't have to ask me if I liked
the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of
it, I didn't. ..........................................and if you are
did!!!

.............. yes, I have to turn up the radio
when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and
then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about
how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and
Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried
in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not
behave as if you do not find this fascinating. ......huh, What was this?
????

.............. I think what you're wearing is fine.
I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was
fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt
or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look
fine. Can we just go now? ...........ONE more thing.........

.............. this is, after all, the new
millenium, I will share equally in the housework. You
do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning and the
dishes. I'll do the rest...................Good wash and wax my car
,,OOPS you missed a pile of dog sh*t,,( dont want to step in that as you
mow )

way too funny thanx