In the womb, sometimes a twin will actually kill or absorb the other one in the early stages of development.

At least you can be thankful that didn't happen to you.

However, don't kid yourself that she still isn't plotting against you, or defending herself against you....... unconsciously of course.

Perhaps there was a life or death battle before you were born or you were protected because you were paternal rather than identical twins.

Maybe you have past life issues and Karma that you need to work out. If you find out what it is, then you might find peace.

If not, divorce her.

Yep you can do that. In your mind of course.

There is no requirement that we have to get along with our relatives. Just that we respect them for who they are and detach personal involvement with them.

You can totally frustrate her just by telling her that while you respect her opinion, you still disagree.

That will frustrate her, trust me. She wants to convince you to agree with her.

Being a twin is really tough. Sorry it is not working out so great.

Sad that so often the difference/alikenesses are such a source of stress. I am sure there is hurt on both sides; just expressed differently.

Also sad is the roles that twins often get pushed into (even by family members); good/evil, submissive/agressive, smart/dumb, loveable/unloveable. From what I have seen it tends to be a lot of the reason behind things when relations are problematic.

There are a couple of excellent National Twins organizations you might turn to for positive suggestions. There is also a good book called Dealing With Difficult People.

The choice to just vacate the relationship will have a mixed result you have evidently already seen. There will come a time when your parents generation is gone and the kids leave home where you could deeply miss your siblings; especially a same sex twin. If you let long gaps happen the sore spots don't necessarily heal. Looseing a sibling you don't like is just as painful as looseing one you do. One thing about it once they truely are gone from your life you don't get to resolve anything and the desire to choke the poop out of them never goes away.

Thank you jeannie and Pacific for your thoughtful posts.

My sister and I have a lot of unresolved issues dating back to the death of our mom when we were 16. Part of the problem in trying to resolve them is that we both have very different recollections of what actually occurred.

We have never been close and part of that stems from the fact that we are so different physically and in character, but my mom insisted on our dressing as identical twins through grade school and insisted we go everywhere together. We weren't allowed to develop own separate friends and interests. After that she was too ill to notice and we started developing our own separate styles and at that point did everything we could to be away from one another.

At this point I am tired of trying to resolve anything, I just want to be able to tolerate her when we have to be together.

I had someone in my life like that. I was advised to just say, "Well, that's your opinion", and leave it at that. That way I wasn't pulled down by the drama. They can't argue anymore either.

Don't we all have some one as a relative that we would like to choke? I do.. My brother.. At my dad's grave/ burial site he made a scene, even before Dad was put in the ground. All over seating arrangements. I choked him it took 6 other family members to get me off him.. Haven't spoke much with him since.

so stop standing up for him and cut her out for real.

i've cut family members out. i've gone to family reunions, had a blast and just stayed away. if they confront me, i walk away.

i cut out my own godmother/auntie. i severed the tie so completely that she literally flipped out in front of the family. and thats when i stopped... and told her how embarassed i was to be related to her. i did it nice and calm, made it real clear that she and her actions were foul to me. and I also made it clear that i never wanted her near me again.

it broke her a bit, changed her.

i'll never regret that. :)

I'd swear you were describing my sister.. I have to walk away so things don't escalate but that can make things worse..