personally I find it....unfavorable....when I come across someone who has several children and none of them have the same father(or mother)





so, when deciding to be in a relationship with someone, who has (for purposes of this topic) more than two children, how important is the number of children to fathers(or mothers) ratio?

Out of all the women I've dated with kids, here is what I remember.

kids/fathers
4/1
3/2
3/1
2/1
3/1
1/1
1/0 (adopted)

I have no input on the k vs f ratio, and I have no problem with the father still being involved, in fact, it's preferable.

In most cases.. I would agree

I think that generally women who have multiple children with multiple men are viewed as 'loose' or rather slutty. Whether they are or not... And vice versa, although where I live its always been more 'acceptable' for guys to have children with different women.

IMO, it wouldn't matter and I would hope that both parents would still be involved in the childrens' lives.

Personally, I have four children who all share the same father. I have always been shocked when asked if they have the same father (my ex and I were very similar in coloring and my children are quite variable...), as well as kind of offended, because it made me feel as though I were being called a whore.

I work with a guy who, at 33, has 5 kids with 4 women, and he's never been married. I just shake my head. Not at the lack of marriage, but at the fact that he keeps buying pants with defective zippers.

Actually other guys look down on guys with multiple kids with different Moms. Especially if they didn't marry them. A lot of times that also means they don't support them on a regular basis.
If ya play, ya pay!

I would prefer a woman with multiple children to all come from the same father. It's not that I would look down on her otherwise, but it would definitely cast some doubts in my head. Possibly until I got to know her better. To me it is a touchy subject to ask someone about though. I can see why the person above got a little offended even though it is a legitimate question and concern.

If say a female had a c/f ratio of 4/4 then I would be pretty concerned about being with her in any relationship.

is the ratio a viable thing ? I was with a woman because she was being thrown out where I live .( racial bias, one kid had a black father). And i took personal offense with the management of the place where I am at. I let her move in with me while she got on her feet. She had 3 kids all with different men. she stayed here for 3 months. No she didn't get on her feet . She met another man who was the typical "love them and leave them type" .. The point is I tried to help.

what her life choices are .. Well they were her business I didn't agree with it. She went right into a pattern she knew...Would I had anything more then that with her? NO I don't think so.

Okay I get that question too and the first couple of times, it kinda threw me...because all of mine have the same father. It did eventually click, hey these people don't know me, if they did they wouldn't have had to ask.. but the question is legitimate, and that fact, in and of itself is disturbing. IMO

But I also have a similar reaction every time its asked, I get kind of offended, but then I remind myself they don't know me, and thats what questions are for

Good thing I didn't go down that road. Now if only I had left my phone somewhere else..

I guess for my thinking is, okay you have one unplanned pregnancy but you should know by than how to make sure your birth control is working. To have multiple unplanned with multiple men is careless.


And I can say I probably would never be with a man who had mutliple children with multiple women especially if he had never been married. If you're that careless in life with something a simple as birth control, it speaks loads on what sort of lifestyle and choices they make.


Just not something I could do, I have 2 kids with 1 father now my ex-husband.

well then, I know a couple of people who could sue the makers of ortho tri cyclin or maybe they should just take it up with god....to be a point one percent chance, more than once is just ridiculous........

Mothers with many half-siblings have many non-ex ex's. 4 kids +4 dads = much trouble, unless they're all dead, in which case, well, I don't want to be #5.

I should have edited to add I've never been asked by a date if my kids all have the same father.. just strangers. LOL. Same people who ask me if I have a husband to go with all those children... Must be the blond haired blue eyed one that throws them off. ;)

I agree that if they have that many unplanned pregnancies it doesn't say much about their lifestyle, and I'd be afraid to go there...

I never really had to look at it from a dating standpoint till recently.

I think you lot entirely overthink things...who cares how many kids they have, or how many fathers...as long as both are happy with each other I don't think it really matters much. Honesty and communication as always a priority in a relationship.

Initially, I was going to disagree with FearandLoathing outright, I think I agree.

If you find yourself wanting to date someone who has a bunch of kids with different fathers/mothers, just go slow with that person. Nothing is forcing you to have sex, so give him/her a chance and go slow. I imagine that in most dating situations, there is no need to be in a hurry to get in bed.

The discussions above, however, lead to judging the person. Many of the judgments may be accurate (many children, many fathers point to carelessness), but it's always better to go into a relationship, romantic or not, with not too many negative prejudgments.