• "Aim towards the Enemy." [Instruction printed on US rocket launcher]
• When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is no longer our friend. [From a US Field Manual]
• Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground.
• Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
• Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
• If your attack is going too well, you are walking into an ambush.
• If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.
• Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
• No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.
• Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . . once.
• If the enemy is in range, so are you.
• Tracers work both ways.
• Friendly fire isn't.
• Five second fuses only last three seconds.
• Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
• The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
• Incoming fire has the right of way.
• The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
• If you can see the enemy, he can see you.
• And never tell your Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

You forgot the biggest one of all, my dear.

Hurry up & wait.

Warning on a Claymore mine "Front towards Enemy".

If someone is coming towards you with a white flag held up, and the flag consists of white underwear and he's smiling, then that's really a warning you that he misses his mom and needs his laundry washing.

My Dad volunteered for service in August of '42.
I volunteered for service in August of '82.

Before I left to go to bootcamp, he bestowed some of his knowledge upon me.

Never volunteer for anything that seems simple, because it won't be simple. If the Sergeant asks if anyone can drive, he prolly means a wheelbarrow.
If asked if you want seconds, kindly decline. There's gotta be a catch.

If he asks who's old enough to drink, he needs a chaperone for the rest.
If he asks if you're smart enough to figure things out, you're in for nightwatch duty.

too long to post in its entirety but here's link to the list of 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the United States Army

http://www.thefirearmsforum.com/archive/index.php?t-23022.html

some of my favorites:


21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.
26. Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'
27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
52. Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote 'Full Metal Jacket ' at the rifle range.


Just a taste..

how could I have missed what may well be my favorite from the list

35. Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker')