you might not have many months or years left to live, would you:

a) choose a partner who brought you comfort, a feeling of safety, and contentment, even passion much of the time - but great pain, disappointment, or sadness some of the time

or,

b) choose to go it alone, knowing (without doubt) that you could never get the same feelings of safety, comfort, contentment, or passion from anyone else in your life.

Big difference between months and years.

I can deal with pain Type A for a few months; and if I grow to totally understand her then the love can blend the whole relationship into a lasting union.

I'm already dealing with Plan B.

Assuming the pain, disappointment, or sadness starts to shake those good feelings, but you really don't know whether it is months, or perhaps a year or more.

For the sake of argument, the alternative is emptiness.

How do you choose?

....do you take it one day at a time and wait and see what your tolerance level will be?

What about the fear of reaching that tolerance level and then regretting it afterwards - having to live with that emptiness in the bleakest time of your life.

For me, not an easy answer....

But, I will go back and read the rest of what you said and really try to grok it.

Angel, I've been thru this stuff, more or less, and know what I do. I endure, and learn, and grow closer and closer, and then it isn't like giving myself an option to consider whether it gets worse.
It does get worse, outside of the relationship, but in our hearts we are more into each other than if everything were just La-de-da-de-da.
Not that it's overall healthy.
Just that it really is how couples cope.
Commitment overrules logic.

I agree. That's how it has been for me and mine. But, its scary, nonetheless - ya' know?

Probably choose plan A, but wind up with Plan B

Funny how no one has considered how this choice affects the object of your affection. All I hear is "me, me, me"

Choice A is beyond selfish. I guess you don't care about the one who gets left behind to grieve.

the thing is,..nobody knows how long they have,..

I would probably pick neither and spend some quality time with myself,..

I would choose (B), mostly because I never got any amount of comfort, safety, etc. from anyone in the first place.

In the OP, it goes without saying that the one "left" standing knew and willingly chose to take this path with the other.

To me, that sounds like choice "b".

Just as an aside, I am almost positive that I know someone on here from another site I've been on for near 5 or 6 years now. Some people's writing style, attitude, avatars, handle, occupation, and axe to grind is just about unmistakable. Just sayin'.

Of course, I'm sure something about my writing style, attitude, avatars, handle, and perceived occupation is just about as unmistakable, too. Some folks don't need to see a "face" to know they rub each other the wrong way.


Do me a favor. Whether or not its actually you....

Stay out of my threads. Stop stalking me online. Stop following my posts or responding to them. Different states are involved - which would make it a Federal offense. First warning. Back Off.

HUH?

Is not making a choice an option?

Interesting point. I'm not sure.

I would choose option B. I would rather be alone than be with someone who made me unhappy. If I only had a short time to live I would prefer to spend it in peace.

Not sure why it goes without saying. In any case, whether they make a choice or not, it would be decent to at least consider how it would affect the person. Are you talking about a relationship that is already ongoing, or going out looking for someone to help you through it? I read it as the latter.

It is a relationship that is over a year old, ended twice, and is surviving and thriving to this day, despite issues and vulnerabilities and faults of both parties. It is a relationship of mutually informed consent. And yes, there was consideration as to how it might affect the other person. Its someone who can handle something like that probably easier than most.

"Might". I don't let anything that "might" happen interfere with what "is" happening. That's anxiety talking.

True, but despite one's best efforts and lots of outside support, it can take over at times.