Well, I think first you need to stop romanticizing the situation and stop looking forward to them being the person you expect them to be.

That happens a lot...

Then you must truly examine the behaviors and reasons why they are not good for you. Is that what you deserve? Can you be proud to be in a relationship with that person? How will they enhance your life?

i don't usually realize how bad they are for me until after i drive them away. yeah, i'm one of those.

a.) Alanon --Waste of time. Just pack everything you can get into two suitcases and hop on a bus and get the f--k out of there.

b.) Or else get a restraining order.

a.) That's what I did.

This actually happened to me....I left him after 20 years of marriage to let him see what he was missing. Then he died. I would go back and change everything if I could.

My X-husband died too. (I guess they just can't live without us.)

He had always claimed he would out live me.

But I would not change a thing. I should have left a lot sooner.

If I could go back, I would leave sooner.

Alanon is not about fixing them, its about fixing yourself when you can't let go emotionally. Some folks have trouble with that. Its kind of how I took what the OP was saying. Perhaps I misunderstood.

I think for me it would be staying with that person was worse than leaving then I would simply walk away with out a backward look. I would grieve just as if it were a death. I would not go anywhere near that person. I would then start rebuilding my life and finding ways to be kinder and nicer to me. I would take the time to heal so that when that something special came along I would be ready for it.
Good luck

That is difficult because you have to be selfish in a positive way by putting yourself first. Love should be up lifting for both parties. When it isn't, it is time to turn and walk way. It will be painful at first. Eventually, you will realize how much happier you really are.

Good luck.

While there's a story in there, I hope you're not suffering from survivor's guilt. It's completely unnecessary.

ask me how?I might be a help to you....

Yes I guess you are right, but most of the time it is about adjusting your life AROUND THEM when leaving them is not an option. (Like if they were your Brother or father or husband you don't intend to divorce.)

But I don't care who it is... Brother, Husband, Father or what ever. Even one of your children. You can divorce them in a sense that you stop trying to fix them and you refuse to put up with them so you walk away.

There is no rule that says you cannot walk away and live your life differently.

You go to Walmart and buy some self-respect. For women it's between the chocolate and the shoes. You'll have to ask where they keep the men's.

I think your profile says it all.....Welcome to Mingle!

Yes, and you can "walk away" figuratively or emotionally - as in give up emotional investment in the outcome.

(A) works, but if history repeats itself, the problem isn't just him. Ever have a relationship that feels like de ja vue?

History most likely will repeat itself, unless one takes positive action to change. That being said, sometimes crises come up in our lives that slow change down or even stall it.

Excellent advice babe!

The men's is over by the Sporting Goods, Automotive, and Home Improvement. It's in three places, in case they don't notice it the first two times.