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Topic: letting go
lilith401's photo
Tue 01/27/09 06:08 AM
Well, I think first you need to stop romanticizing the situation and stop looking forward to them being the person you expect them to be.

That happens a lot...

Then you must truly examine the behaviors and reasons why they are not good for you. Is that what you deserve? Can you be proud to be in a relationship with that person? How will they enhance your life?

74Drew's photo
Tue 01/27/09 08:26 AM

how do you let go of someone you love so much but you know is so bad for you:cry: brokenheart frustrated


i don't usually realize how bad they are for me until after i drive them away. yeah, i'm one of those.

no photo
Tue 01/27/09 08:30 AM


how do you let go of someone you love so much but you know is so bad for you:cry: brokenheart frustrated

Join Alanon or CODA, establish a good support system, seek counseling if possible, and be willing. Then, if you are able, Hope for the best!


a.) Alanon --Waste of time. Just pack everything you can get into two suitcases and hop on a bus and get the f--k out of there.

b.) Or else get a restraining order.

a.) That's what I did.

DragonFlyTat's photo
Tue 01/27/09 09:17 AM
This actually happened to me....I left him after 20 years of marriage to let him see what he was missing. Then he died. I would go back and change everything if I could.

no photo
Tue 01/27/09 09:22 AM
Edited by Jeanniebean on Tue 01/27/09 09:23 AM

This actually happened to me....I left him after 20 years of marriage to let him see what he was missing. Then he died. I would go back and change everything if I could.


My X-husband died too. (I guess they just can't live without us.)

He had always claimed he would out live me.

But I would not change a thing. I should have left a lot sooner.

If I could go back, I would leave sooner.


no photo
Tue 01/27/09 02:48 PM

[a.) Alanon --Waste of time. Just pack everything you can get into two suitcases and hop on a bus and get the f--k out of there.


Alanon is not about fixing them, its about fixing yourself when you can't let go emotionally. Some folks have trouble with that. Its kind of how I took what the OP was saying. Perhaps I misunderstood.

SitkaRains's photo
Tue 01/27/09 03:32 PM

how do you let go of someone you love so much but you know is so bad for you:cry: brokenheart frustrated

I think for me it would be staying with that person was worse than leaving then I would simply walk away with out a backward look. I would grieve just as if it were a death. I would not go anywhere near that person. I would then start rebuilding my life and finding ways to be kinder and nicer to me. I would take the time to heal so that when that something special came along I would be ready for it.
Good luck

Redshirt's photo
Tue 01/27/09 03:56 PM

how do you let go of someone you love so much but you know is so bad for you:cry: brokenheart frustrated


That is difficult because you have to be selfish in a positive way by putting yourself first. Love should be up lifting for both parties. When it isn't, it is time to turn and walk way. It will be painful at first. Eventually, you will realize how much happier you really are.

Good luck.

Citizen_Joe's photo
Tue 01/27/09 05:32 PM

This actually happened to me....I left him after 20 years of marriage to let him see what he was missing. Then he died. I would go back and change everything if I could.


While there's a story in there, I hope you're not suffering from survivor's guilt. It's completely unnecessary.

tessa68's photo
Tue 01/27/09 05:55 PM

how do you let go of someone you love so much but you know is so bad for you:cry: brokenheart frustrated


ask me how?I might be a help to you....laugh

no photo
Tue 01/27/09 06:45 PM


[a.) Alanon --Waste of time. Just pack everything you can get into two suitcases and hop on a bus and get the f--k out of there.


Alanon is not about fixing them, its about fixing yourself when you can't let go emotionally. Some folks have trouble with that. Its kind of how I took what the OP was saying. Perhaps I misunderstood.



Yes I guess you are right, but most of the time it is about adjusting your life AROUND THEM when leaving them is not an option. (Like if they were your Brother or father or husband you don't intend to divorce.)

But I don't care who it is... Brother, Husband, Father or what ever. Even one of your children. You can divorce them in a sense that you stop trying to fix them and you refuse to put up with them so you walk away.

There is no rule that says you cannot walk away and live your life differently.


AllSmilesInTulsa's photo
Tue 01/27/09 06:50 PM

how do you let go of someone you love so much but you know is so bad for you:cry: brokenheart frustrated


You go to Walmart and buy some self-respect. For women it's between the chocolate and the shoes. You'll have to ask where they keep the men's.

Tazz42's photo
Tue 01/27/09 06:54 PM

how do you let go of someone you love so much but you know is so bad for you:cry: brokenheart frustrated


I think your profile says it all.....Welcome to Mingle!

no photo
Tue 01/27/09 06:58 PM

But I don't care who it is... Brother, Husband, Father or what ever. Even one of your children. You can divorce them in a sense that you stop trying to fix them and you refuse to put up with them so you walk away.

There is no rule that says you cannot walk away and live your life differently.



Yes, and you can "walk away" figuratively or emotionally - as in give up emotional investment in the outcome. :wink:

Citizen_Joe's photo
Tue 01/27/09 08:38 PM



how do you let go of someone you love so much but you know is so bad for you:cry: brokenheart frustrated

Join Alanon or CODA, establish a good support system, seek counseling if possible, and be willing. Then, if you are able, Hope for the best!


a.) Alanon --Waste of time. Just pack everything you can get into two suitcases and hop on a bus and get the f--k out of there.

b.) Or else get a restraining order.

a.) That's what I did.


(A) works, but if history repeats itself, the problem isn't just him. Ever have a relationship that feels like de ja vue?

no photo
Wed 01/28/09 03:00 AM
History most likely will repeat itself, unless one takes positive action to change. That being said, sometimes crises come up in our lives that slow change down or even stall it.

Fade2Black's photo
Wed 01/28/09 03:05 AM

Well, I think first you need to stop romanticizing the situation and stop looking forward to them being the person you expect them to be.

That happens a lot...

Then you must truly examine the behaviors and reasons why they are not good for you. Is that what you deserve? Can you be proud to be in a relationship with that person? How will they enhance your life?



Excellent advice babe!

scoundrel's photo
Wed 01/28/09 05:48 AM


how do you let go of someone you love so much but you know is so bad for you:cry: brokenheart frustrated


You go to Walmart and buy some self-respect. For women it's between the chocolate and the shoes. You'll have to ask where they keep the men's.


The men's is over by the Sporting Goods, Automotive, and Home Improvement. It's in three places, in case they don't notice it the first two times.:wink:

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